I am sorry

The tone of self-pity around here is a bit embarrassing. I guess what's worse than "sharing" this (to me) is not really having anyone around here to talk to about it. Most people fear being judged. I know I do. I'm already getting a lot of it because I can't seem to handle two kids (my dad! People! He's SO unsympathetic with his "I warned her how difficult two kids would be. And, she should be working!!")

But really... Last week's experience gave me more than heart palpitations. I really left the hospital with a lot of feelings of gratitude. Not just for my family's overall health, but for those of you who were kind enough to reach out to me during that time. A time that was a bit scary for me.

So, I'm sorry for being whiny, sad, scared, an idiot... whatever. But, I'm thankful for you.

Turn About

I've been thinking a lot about this blog lately. We've had months of sadness and not a lot of fun or funny stuff to report. I feel like everything I write about Nathan is tempered with the bad, or somewhat bad things, that are going on in my life. I don't know if I want to continue to write about these things, but I do want to continue to write. I mean, my gosh, Nathan... I feel compelled to share some of these things with you who cheered me through my pregnancy and those early infant days. You cheered me like you knew me, like I was someone important to you.

Things I'm thinking:

• I want to write more about parenting. Being a full-time working parent (outside of the home) is really difficult. We're hoping for some changes in our lives in the next year or so, but until then, it helps me to write about the challenges and to count my blessings in text.
• I want to take more photos. I live in a really remarkable city that's peppered with people and architecture that represent just about every culture in the world. I think some of these people and things don't get their five minutes. Is that where I want to go with my blog?
• I'm trying to become more frugal. When The Targo and I got married, he not only got me, but he got a whole lot of debt with me. We've paid off everything except my student loans. And really, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die with those over my head. Anyway, although we live in a really expensive neighborhood in an expensive city, we still manage to do pretty much whatever we want to do. I've learned so many lessons on frugal but fun living and I totally want to share.
• This last year has been sort of bad for me and my family. I'm contemplating two things: deleting the posts like they didn't exist, or moving to a new blog. A fresh start.

So, yeah. These are some of the things going on in my ridiculous head. Typing them out in a fabulous bullet-pointed list has helped me. But then again, I like lists. They complete me.