Oh Boy! ... Or Baby Sam

I LOVE IT! All of my friends are having babies. In fact, two of my closest friends had babies this year. My oldest friend of the three, Chris L., had her baby (two weeks early) today: a little boy named Sam.

I feel so blessed to have these wonderful people as my friends and to know that their lives are being made fuller by the additions of these tiny people.

I've always liked children. I became an aunt at age six. I was the kid in the neighborhood who always had younger children at my house. Being one of four children and one of a million cousins, I had always believed (or hoped?) that I would have a large family. Now that I'm past 31 and living the yuppie life that I lead, I know that's not going to happen. But, I do think about the "what-ifs" and how if I have baby #1 on this timetable, babies #2 and #3 can follow on these timetables. The Targo comes from a tiny family. He has two cousins. TWO. So, the idea of a "larger" family scares the bejeebus out of him. Not to mention how much it would cost to raise one, let alone three children, in Chicago. (Aside: Did you know daycare here averages $1300/month for an infant? That's almost a mortgage payment!)

I know the feminist in me wants to believe that I can have it all. I can have a career I love and the family I've dreamt about. But, the stats nerd in me can't make the math work. The Targo and I have talked about children, but he seems to think it's in the distant future, whereas I think it should be right-damn-now (well, after we're married).

This sounds whiny, selfish and stupid, but it's a bit hard to be a "modern" woman and want it all. I guess because it is whiny, selfish and stupid. Or is it wanting the opportunity a man has - career, marriage, family?