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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

As I Look in the Mirror, I See Dyeable Shoes

The good thing? One of my dearest friends is getting married. She's been with her fella for the past 8 years. (I thought the Targo and I were bad, but no ... Julie's got us beaten!) He's a nice guy and she is one of the most good-hearted people I've ever known. And, as of October, only two of my closest friends will be unmarried. Not bad for the early thirties... especially in this "day and age."

Another good thing? I'm her Matron of Honor. Anyone have a clue what the record is for that? I've been a flower girl once, miscellaneous bridal party person twice, a bridesmaid four times, demoted from being a bridesmaid to not even getting invited twice, a best man once, and a this will be my third stint as maid/matron of honor. AWESOME! I lost count, but I'm pretty sure that's a lot of awful dresses. More icky - a lot of really terrible shoes.

For the first time in my "wedding party" tenure, I won't be experiencing my horrible envy. I have really come to understand why envy is a sin. Being envious not only selfish, but it wastes a lot of opportunity. When I should have been showering my friends with love and best wishes, I was worried about me and why it wasn't my turn. How dispicable.

This may sound trite, as I've only been married for three months, but I feel like I've grown up a lot. I never thought the wedding was the center of our marriage, but I felt that marriage was the center of my life. I felt like I couldn't move forward until that darn Targo married me. But, now that it's over - and all of the pomp and circumstance with it - I've realized I was the problem. I had problems seeing myself as whole without the wedding band on my finger. I had no deep understanding of what I had to offer as just me - without being the Targo's wife.

With that paragraph of self-actualization, I can honestly say that I am so happy that I finally dragged the kid kicking and screaming down the aisle... erm beach. It was a long road. But that road, with all of its twists, turns, ups, and downs, helped me figure out who I am and what I have to offer the world. Not what the world owes me.

Now, I feel like I can go to Julie's wedding with a totally open heart. The joy I feel for her will be untainted. I only regret that I hadn't figured this out years before. Because now, I'm even looking forward to the shoes.

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