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Friday, February 08, 2008

Breast Intentions

Breastfeeding. How is something so natural so hard?

Nathan lost nearly a pound while we were in the hospital. Before everyone says "babies always lose weight in the hospital," please note that his doctor was concerned.

He's been to the pediatrician twice and has gained about 6 oz. It's not as much as his doctor had hoped, but he's growing.

We've met with a lactation consultant (twice) and are also supplementing the breastfeeding with formula. He sees his pediatrician again on Monday.

I feel like an absolute failure. It might be "the crazy," because honestly, I'm not usually a drama queen.


Christi said...

Trust me sweetie you are not a failure. My oldest could not get enough out of me and my youngest had weight issues as well but now he's a happy and healthy toddler. I know it's hard right now (and I am here if you need to talk) but things will get better. {{{HUGS}}}

Anonymous said...

What Christi said! You are so not a failure -- breastfeeding can be much much more difficult than it appears on tv or in magazine, with the showered and neatly dressed woman cradles her perfect baby against her chest. Bullsh*t! It's tough and painful and frustrating and then wait, it's time to nurse again and OH the pain.

It willll get better though, I promise. And if it's not feeling better and the doctor is worried enough, then honey, you gave breastfeeding your all and now you'll feed him the best damn formula! And he will be just super and love it and love you.

I wish I could give you a ginormous (yet gentle) hug. You're doing GREAT! Trust me. You're not a failure!!! I mean, hello? Look at Nathan! Perfection!

kristabella said...

Oh honey, you are NOT a failure. And I want you to look at that beautiful baby and realize just how much of a failure you are NOT. He. Is. PERFECT.

I have never had this problem, since I have no kids, but I have plenty of friends with kids. And they have all had a hard time and have felt the EXACT SAME as you're feeling right now. Because you want to give that little baby the very, very best in life.

And maybe for Nathan, that means formula. Given with tons of love.

My sister in law had the WORST time with her first kid. And with the second, it was totally different. So every baby is different.

And he is absolutely fantasic, no matter what he eats! Hang in there!

Miss said...

Everyone who commented is RIGHT. You are NOT a failure. Boys are so picky! I know mine wanted nothing to do with the boob for a while then one day *poof* he couldn't get enough. trust me, it will happen.

alyndabear,com said...

Every baby (and momma!) is different - so go with the flow. Whatever happens, you've still got yourself a healthy baby boy - so no letting 'the crazy' overtake. Hugs!

lifeasamama said...

hey - the best breastfeeding advice i ever heard was "stick with it for six weeks. it'll get SO much better."

i promise it will!! i was in agony for six weeks, and just like every mom i know, it magically went away - and my baby started eating enough (she lost almost a pound, too, which is actually fairly normal with exclusively breastfed babies, but the doctors see those so rarely that they forget!)

Jen said...

You are not a failure! And everyone else is right, every child is different as is every mom. I've had 3 kids and breastfeeding my 1st was a nightmare. He couldn't latch on at ALL. He took forever to nurse and fell asleep all the time. I also feel that sometimes lactation consultants don't give your inability to feed enough credit. They sometimes get so caught up in the breast milk is the BEST that they forget that the mother needs to be comfortable too.
Do what YOU feel is right for your baby, and if that means formula, then go for it. No One knows your baby better than you, even the medical personnel.
1st kids are hard, thats why there are no manuels telling us how to do it. You are doing wonderful and God Bless you and your new little man! He'll be as big as a linebacker and eating you out of house and home all too soon!

Becca said...

I am so sorry you're having trouble!

I had a rough start too. It hurt, I hurt, I felt run down and thirsty all the time, Charlie never opened his mouth far enough which made it hurt. And every feeding I cried because I was so spent emotionally and physically. And did I mention that it hurt?

But it got better, and if you choose to continue, it will get better for you too. And formula is not failure! He is loved and cared for and that is all that matters.

Tara said...

Aww, Marianne, you're not a failure. Look at little Nathan. He is absolutely perfect. I don't have any experience with breastfeeding, but I know moms who have gone through what you're experiencing. If you do have to feed him formula, it doesn't mean you're failing the little guy. He is loved so much, and he is in great hands.

Anonymous said...

Everyone is right. Do not feel like a failure. I felt the same way with my first. I wanted to breastfeed him so bad and thought it would be easier than it was. Bottom line, that baby needed to eat and I needed to know his belly was full. I tried everything but standing on my head. It turned out my son had a broken clavicle that the doctor missed, so we were torturing him every time we tried to get him to latch on. Talk about GUILT. I can still tear up thinking about it and he's three and a half. My second baby fed really well but I just don't produce enough milk. You hear the stories of engorgement, I never did that. The girls just don't work like they should.Anyway, I read you everyday and have never commented before but you sounded like you needed a hug. I've been there. Do whats best for your family and everything will be alright.

Liz said...

no way did you fail him! praying for you.

Anonymous said...


The same thing happened to me with Lovely Daughter. I was unable to nurse her at all and ended up pumping for 2 months until my milk began to run out. She was then switched to formula and did just great!

It's standard practice to supplement breast milk with forumla. It happens to moms and babies everywhere, it just feels the absolute worst because it's your baby.


If it feel right, do it. Trust your instincts, they won't let you down.