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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

From the Fog

It's gotten to the point that the only way I know what day of the week it is is by what's on television. Law and Order: SVU is on tonight? Oh, it's Tuesday. Except NBC aired it on Saturday and Sunday last week. I'm pretty sure it was just to confuse the hell out of me.

I am keenly aware of Wednesdays because I dread going in for my meeting. I love that Nathan gets to spend three or four hours with my father-in-law, but the actual working part --- not so much.

But things are going - mostly - really well. The Targo and I were talking the other night. I'm a bit lonely. I miss my girlfriends. We're all just super busy with life. Darn life for getting in the way, anyhow! As The Targo and I talked, I realized that as "alone" as I feel, it must be a great deal worse for him. At least my friends want to come over and see the baby, ask me if I need anything, and genuinely care. For a young man embarking on fatherhood, when the majority of his friends are still unmarried, it must be incredibly isolating.

So, I've been thinking on this for days. My feelings have been all over the map and fueled by having no-freaking-clue what I'm doing. But at least I've got support. I'm not sure I've been doing that for The Targo. I think fathers are really important and I want him to know how important he is to Nathan. As I climb out of the fog, I realize I need to communicate that more.


kristabella said...

I'm sure he knows.

And to make you feel better, he does get to get out of the house each day to go to work, which is probably nice because think of all those people he gets to brag to about Nathan every day! A proud papa's dream! :)

L Sass said...

You have such high expectations for yourself, Marianne! Don't beat yourself up too much.

Is there a baby group you guys could join? My parents did that back in the day. The babies "socialize" and the grown ups talk! Could be a good way to meet new people and get additional support.