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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Time I ...

Let me tell you how I'm making everyone mad at me.

The Time I ... started a family feud on Facebook. So, this relative of mine and I have completely different world views. He would consider me extremely conservative, but I totally disagree. I think I'm personally conservative, but most of my opinions are pretty moderate, and many lean to the left (on the political spectrum). Having said that, there are definitely things that I believe are wrong and things that I believe are right.

Back to the story...

In the interest of full disclosure, I've already spoken to the parties involved, and have expressed (and will continue to express) my opinions to them openly. I don't pretend to have all the answers (probably less than 6%), but this is just something I don't understand.

I was leaving a message on a relative's profile and I noticed that she had "Married" as her relationship status, but had interesting things in her "Looking for" category. Most people have "networking" or "friendship." But my married relative had that she was looking for a relationship, dating, random play, or "whatever I can get." I was really disturbed. Really. This person is a lovely young woman. She was previously married at a very young age. That marriage ended when she cheated on her spouse. At that point, her father said to me "she should have had that conversation with her husband before they were married, telling him how things would be." I was aghast! They got married in a church. They had a covenant! If it wasn't to God, it was still to each other. But, that's how things would be?

This relative of mine, her father, has been married and divorced twice. He's been engaged an additional time. Both of those marriages produced a child. All of these relationships have ended as a result of his view of marital fidelity. It has been, and will forever be, okay for him to sleep with whomever he wants to ... and if he wants a relationship, or two, on the side, that's fine too. So what if it affects his children? In fact, this relative is currently in an open relationship with a young woman who is two years younger than his daughter. I am concerned that he'll marry this young girl and have another child with her, only to find out that this "open relationship plan" doesn't really work over time.

So I posted on Facebook the following:

Is anyone else horrified by the married people on Facebook who put "dating"
in their "Looking for" category?

This relative posted a comment saying, "I know you won't understand but it can be a choice."

I really don't understand. My thinking is if you feel this way, why would you get married? Am I totally off base on this? Should I have more of a "live and let live" attitude? Maybe so. All I can think of is how this relative has messed up the lives of the women he's been married to, and how his children will grow up without an understanding of what a healthy relationship is.


AJU5's Mom said...

Ugh. This is a hard one. I have rewrote my comment twice already, and I still can't figure out how to express how I feel about this.

In some sense, you are completely right. Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, and that covenant should include not having relations with another person. But, I know people would disagree with me on the man and woman part. So, it doesn't surprise me that people will disagree on the only two people part...

Does that make any sense?

Mrs Lemon said...

Of course we agree on this ...

What I want to know is how I can make some people on Facebook mad enough to unfriend me, so that I don't have to see their negative and boring statuses. >:)

Sarah said...

I have never seen that on FB. I HAVE been shocked to discover that marriages are over b/c people have changed their status from married to single. Such a 21st century way to announce it, you know?

Shannon said...

I remember seeing this on facebook and I was shocked to know it happens. I agree with you Marianne. Marriage is a covenant. As much as I want to say let people live their lives, I think this one really is my business. Some people may wonder why it is my business so I'll just tell ya. When people start redefining what marriage means, it destroys the original intention. It is about monogamy. If people start redefining marriage to suit their needs, then that ring on my spouse's finger will no longer mean off limits. Now I know my husband and I totally trust him but that doesn't mean I am okay when someone hitting on him. I'm not. Which is why I am such a b@itch when some guy ignores the ring on my finger at Wal-Mart in front of my kids. So I have to say that protecting what being married means is my business. If you don't want to act married then don't get married. But I am of the mindset that adultery should still be a crime. Gasp!!

Swimming-duck said...

I'm with you Marianne and I personally think there's got to be a lot of people out there that would agree with us. Why get married or stay married if you don't plan to honor it? That flies in the face of the definition of marriage. And for people that don't like it, there union should be called something else - not marriage. Because if it's "open", that's not what true marriage is. Jeez - I'm not opinionated or anything!