Little Boys

As crazy as things are, these little people still make it easy to get up in the morning.

This little one's hair is SO DARNED crazy. I just let it go. I think it's part of who he is. Also, do I have room to talk?

I'm so amazing 1) that five months has passed already, and 2) how different Daniel is than Nathan was at this age. Mostly, he sleeps and he's way fussier. But also, he's still pretty fussy. Also, you guys, I swear this is true: The kid is crawling. He's going backward, but he's up on all fours! He just turned five months on Sunday. I'm posting a video later this week. Nathan walked fairly early - around 10 months. So, I feel like we're sort of prepared.

Anyway, we're madly in love over here.

Slow Transition

I'm struggling. Man, am I struggling. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

I only have two friends who are stay at home moms. I find them both pretty amazing. They seem to have it together. Their kids are happy and well-adjusted. They volunteer at school functions. Their houses are clean. Every time I talk to them or see them, they've showered that day. Are these wins or what?

Where was I going? Oh, right. When I had Nathan, I grieved that I'd be sending him to daycare as an infant. I know for some people this isn't a difficult choice. And for others, it's not a choice at all, but a necessity - as it was for us. I had secretly hoped, for a long time, that I'd be a stay at home mom to my kids. Joe and I, well, we're just not that solvent, and my student loans are way too big. And man, Chicago is expensive! So, I worked and Nathan was in daycare full-time. It was the way things were and we all got used to it.

When I got pregnant the second time, we knew that I would be staying at home. It was both where my heart was and the best financial decision for my family. My part-time instructor position at a local university has helped us make this possible. Every day I looked forward to it. The last few weeks I took Nathan to daycare, I excitedly talked to him about how he'd be home with mama and the baby.

Then the day arrived.

I had forgotten how difficult the period of hibernation was in January and February. We were firm about four weeks inside since we're in the heart of cold and flu season. Of course, the first outing we took with both boys, besides the doctor, resulted in Nathan bringing home a cold.

I hadn't truly calculated how much Nathan would have cabin fever. He's been in daycare since he was just a few months old. And while he didn't always want to go, he was used to going, He misses his friends.

I hadn't realized how much worse the sleep deprivation would be when you have a newborn added to a poorly sleeping toddler. People, I'm barely functioning and I really understand how sleep deprivation is a torture technique.

I have made comments on the Facebook and to both my mom and Joe's mom about my inability to sleep. The consensus is that I wanted children and now I just need to suck it up. I don't disagree, the lack of empathy is a bit shocking. I'm just trying to figure out how to cope. I just want to get through a day without screaming at my toddler. I think the only real solution is to sleep. So, when I go for my check-up next week, I'm going to ask about sleep aids. I'm that person who hates taking medication of any sort. At this point, I don't have a choice. Poor Nathan.

I wonder if I'm revealing too much. I feel like it's safe to admit this stuff because better days are around the corner. Daniel is five weeks old, so we can get out a little more. The weather will be breaking soon, so we can start walking and going more places. I will get to sleep someday. Nathan will forgive me for this transition time.

Family of Three (and a half)

My good friend, Ozzie, took pictures of us a couple weeks ago. We were grateful for the timing, because The Targo's mom was scheduled to start chemotherapy just a few days later. Here's a teaser shot of us. Please note that I haven't slept in 2 1/2 years. And man, are we squinty.

Transitioning to a Family of Four - Part I

The Targo and I have been a one car household since we got together. At first, it didn't matter because we both worked downtown and took the bus to work. Everything we needed was at our fingertips (grocery store, movie theatre, pharmacy, etc) or a short bus ride away. We drove the car just three or four times a month to go visit the Targo's parents out in the suburbs (and also run to Target!).



When I got pregnant with Nathan, we moved to a less-congested, more family-friendly neighborhood that sits just a little farther west. We were still close enough to the trains and buses for The Targo to commute, and I drove to the 'burbs for my job and Nathan's daycare.



Our car is a tiny, ten-year-old Honda Civic that we love. It's fuel-efficient, fairly maintenance-free, and a perfect size for our family of three. The problem? Well, the back seat is almost too small for two car seats. Almost meaning that we can fit them in there, but there might not be room for two children to breathe.



We're not in a position to buy a new and larger car, because we're planning on cutting our income in half after the first of the year. So, I've been praying on it and hoping we can figure out a solution.

Good crazy sometimes does happen. My parents had an opportunity to get a new car and they offered to sell us their small SUV for what they owed on it: approximately $3,000 below the Blue Book value. The Targo and I jumped at the opportunity! We were able to get a car that's just a few years old and pay for it in cash. The last thing we wanted to do was have another monthly payment when I'm not working.

This wasn't a necessity, but the car came along at the right time. We're so grateful.