It's a Terrible Day

I've been having problems with my auto-post, I think. This is so old, but I'm afraid if I don't write it down, I'll forget about how these trials, although they suck, are so very temporary.



Actually, it's been a terrible few weeks. Perhaps terrible is overstating it, but there have been many things that have sucked.



I mentioned not too long ago that Nathan's daycare suddenly fell through. Well, it had taken us about 8-10 months to actually find that daycare. So, the Targo and I were scrambling to find a new daycare. Thankfully, I had a friend whose sitter had an opening. We met her and I fell in love! I thought it was going to be perfect because my friend's daughter would be there and she and Nathan are buddies. The first day was terrible. Nathan sat by the door, holding onto his shoes and crying for the first 30-45 minutes he was there. Ms. C. comforted him and attempted to get him to join the other children in playtime, but he wasn't ready.



He was pretty hard to get to sleep that night, although we'd been making progress in the sleep realm. So, I decided to snuggle with him on the couch. He got startled by something and slammed the back of his head into my nose, breaking it.



Yesterday, I had a 7:30 appointment with my new OB. Because it was so early, I had both The Targo and Nathan with me. It ran a little bit late, but we dropped The Targo off at work downtown, and then Nathan and I headed north for work and daycare. While stopped at a light, we got rear-ended. Lord. Then I had to drop him off at daycare, Day 2. He cried and clung to my leg and cried some more.

When I got into work, my supervisor laid a piece of paper on my desk. It was a job description template. He said that they're changing my job title and description so they can get someone experienced to replace me. This is hard enough for me, because even though I know I'm doing the right thing by staying home, it doesn't mean I'm not ridiculously freaked out. Anyway, to add salt to the wound, the salary range was on the solicitation, and the low end was listed as $10,000/year more than I currently make. The high end is more than $25,000/year more. I've been here for 4 1/2 years! Essentially, they're asking me to spend a good chunk of my time writing a job solicitation that's asking for me, but someone who is worth a great deal more money than me.

I spent all day yesterday, and a good part of today working on that stupid thing. My supervisor was a bit relentless, saying we have to get this done today! Who has to write the job ad for their own replacement? Anyway, I finally got the nerve to tell him that it was really quite upsetting because of what I said above. He said that he understood, and that he's dealing with "compression" (comparable salary) issues too. And, he asked me if would make any difference if they offered me the starting salary. I told him NO! As someone with more experience and education than they're requesting, I should be toward the high end.

The drop off at daycare was a little better today, but still not great. Regardless, I'm hopeful. I know it's only temporary and Nathan will eventually adjust. It's going to be better. Things are just really frustrating right now.

About Last Week

Man... Life is crazy, a roller coaster of good and bad and all that stuff in between. Last week was the perfect example of that being true.


My family lost my Aunt Pat last week, the same day that I turned 35 years old. Thirty-five? My God. I have no idea where the time has gone, or what I've accomplished in my life. But, I do know that my life was made better by knowing this lady.

This picture was taken in the late-1970s/early-1980s, when Pat was in her late-twenties or early-thirties.

She was the oldest girl, and second oldest child, in the family. She and my mom had their first kids two months and two days apart, and their second children four months and four days apart. It was a freaky coincidence, but it made us four cousins very close. My mom and my cousin (Pat's son) sat with her and held her hand for her final six hours. I'm glad they were there for her, they were there for each other, and she was a part of them.

My mom's uncle (her dad's twin brother), my great-uncle, was diagnosed with lung cancer just days after we found out that Pat's cancer was back. He felt like he was ready to go (he's 85), so chose not to fight it. Yesterday, he went into the hospital for dehydration. He'll be discharged in the next few days to a skilled nursing facility for hospice/palliative care. My mom's family, who's dealt with so much death (I guess that's from having such a large family), has rallied a bit. The fractured family, while not as close as they probably should be, has seen each other a bit over the past few months. They email daily. And now, some of them who haven't spoken in a few years, are actually talking. Sometimes it takes this, this sort of loss, to remind you of what you have in each other.

Now we're preparing for another loss. I hope its effect is similar to the one that happened last week - a catalyst that sparks the reminder of the importance of family.

Truer Words

Last night, I read this post by Amy. The first paragraph really spoke to me.

"Yes. I know I've been rather scan-happy lately. I'd apologize, except that it's actually been refreshing and more than a little necessary to take the occasional break from the Truman-Show-ness of all-super-personal-blogging, all-the-damn-time." from here.

Obviously, I don't have 10% of the readership Amy does, but I think a lot of us who blog likely get caught up in this dilemma. When is too much information too much? Personally, I don't like the idea of blogging for the sake of blogging. I don't have that interesting of a life, and I'm very okay with that. When something comes up that I feel like I can share, I totally will. But mostly, we're just this ordinary family who has the same day nearly every day.

I have crossed my personal line a time or two. For example, I've revealed too much about my feelings toward several of my family members. The things I've said are not things I would not say to them in person, however, I feel bad I would write things about them in public. I wouldn't do that to people I didn't know. (ASIDE --- I'm just not one of those people who gets into celebrity gossip and all that. I can't help but remember that they're real people. /ASIDE)

So, questions to all of you: Do you feel the pressure of "having to write something?" Have you crossed the line with what you've revealed on your blog? How do you keep yourself in check?

Back to Life

... back to reality.

I'm sitting here, listening to Nathan sing himself to sleep... in our own place! I know you all cannot understand the enormity of that, but this will be just the 6th night that we've spent in our new apartment this month. I don't even know what date today is, but I know it's a lot more than six.

We're exhausted, but we've had a great time visiting with family and friends. If only these darned boxes would unpack themselves... grrr. Anyway, I'm trying to catch up with all of you ... and hopefully get back to my life as well.