Strategies, Part I

Okay, you parents of toddlers/preschoolers. I have a few questions for you. Basically, they're "how do you do it?" questions. If you've got any wisdom, I certainly would appreciate it!

1. How many times a day to you clean up the toys, crayons, craft stuff, chaos? Most days, when Joe gets home, it looks like Tropical Storm Nathan swept through three or four times.
2. Those of you who work from home... How do you put aside the time to prepare? I am taking this semester off, but will be teaching in the summer. I'm completely developing my class, so I need to get started ASAP. What do you do to carve out the time needed? Do you just wait until your husbands are home?
3. Showering. I know this sounds so simple, but is it? I have this ridiculously thick hair, that is currently fairly long. If I shower at night, 1987 calls and asks for its hair back. Plus, I feel better if I shower in the morning. Unfortunately, if I showered before Nathan was up... well, I just can't predict when that will be. Do you guys trust your older children with your younger ones? I'd just bring the baby with me, but Nathan is definitely acting out to the point where I can't leave him alone for even a few moments.
4. Leaving the house. Were any of you intimidated by taking both children places? We didn't go many places for the first six weeks, because Daniel was born in the heart of cold and flu season. But now, I know I have to get out of the house. And more importantly, Nathan needs out of the house. Did any of you have that anxiety? If so, how did you cope?

I was going to try to round this out with 5 questions, but this is a good start.

Briefly, About Work

So, I figured something out in my insomniac state... I really had started to define myself by my job. I'm only a week into my maternity leave and I feel like I'm forgetting to do something or letting people down. It's starting to frustrate me.

I know that my family has always been my priority, no matter how much I loved my job. Now? I have these two special little people to take care of, and I can't get work off my mind.

Let go, man... Let go.

It's a Terrible Day

I've been having problems with my auto-post, I think. This is so old, but I'm afraid if I don't write it down, I'll forget about how these trials, although they suck, are so very temporary.



Actually, it's been a terrible few weeks. Perhaps terrible is overstating it, but there have been many things that have sucked.



I mentioned not too long ago that Nathan's daycare suddenly fell through. Well, it had taken us about 8-10 months to actually find that daycare. So, the Targo and I were scrambling to find a new daycare. Thankfully, I had a friend whose sitter had an opening. We met her and I fell in love! I thought it was going to be perfect because my friend's daughter would be there and she and Nathan are buddies. The first day was terrible. Nathan sat by the door, holding onto his shoes and crying for the first 30-45 minutes he was there. Ms. C. comforted him and attempted to get him to join the other children in playtime, but he wasn't ready.



He was pretty hard to get to sleep that night, although we'd been making progress in the sleep realm. So, I decided to snuggle with him on the couch. He got startled by something and slammed the back of his head into my nose, breaking it.



Yesterday, I had a 7:30 appointment with my new OB. Because it was so early, I had both The Targo and Nathan with me. It ran a little bit late, but we dropped The Targo off at work downtown, and then Nathan and I headed north for work and daycare. While stopped at a light, we got rear-ended. Lord. Then I had to drop him off at daycare, Day 2. He cried and clung to my leg and cried some more.

When I got into work, my supervisor laid a piece of paper on my desk. It was a job description template. He said that they're changing my job title and description so they can get someone experienced to replace me. This is hard enough for me, because even though I know I'm doing the right thing by staying home, it doesn't mean I'm not ridiculously freaked out. Anyway, to add salt to the wound, the salary range was on the solicitation, and the low end was listed as $10,000/year more than I currently make. The high end is more than $25,000/year more. I've been here for 4 1/2 years! Essentially, they're asking me to spend a good chunk of my time writing a job solicitation that's asking for me, but someone who is worth a great deal more money than me.

I spent all day yesterday, and a good part of today working on that stupid thing. My supervisor was a bit relentless, saying we have to get this done today! Who has to write the job ad for their own replacement? Anyway, I finally got the nerve to tell him that it was really quite upsetting because of what I said above. He said that he understood, and that he's dealing with "compression" (comparable salary) issues too. And, he asked me if would make any difference if they offered me the starting salary. I told him NO! As someone with more experience and education than they're requesting, I should be toward the high end.

The drop off at daycare was a little better today, but still not great. Regardless, I'm hopeful. I know it's only temporary and Nathan will eventually adjust. It's going to be better. Things are just really frustrating right now.

Still Employed!

Um... yay?

I still have a job, but just got assigned this really sucky project. What part of "I'm a criminologist, not an IT professional!" do you not understand??

Hah!

Ridiculously Happy It's Friday

So, today... I have a couple high-stress situations. I have a meeting with the biggest boss of my organization. Just me. I have no idea what it's about. Do you think I'll still have a job at the end of the day? I wore my most capable-looking shirt for good measure.

Somehow, I'm feeling pretty chill about it.

Also, because the weight of second pregnancy seems to come on faster than the first, I need to go maternity clothes shopping. Fortunately, my "fat pants" fit fine, but most of my shirts are getting a little too tight and a little too short. I really love Motherhood Maternity, because they have a wide variety of clothes and they're really affordable. But, I went to a "mom boutique" the other day and bought this really expensive top. It was a better shopping experience than wedding dress shopping. The woman who worked there was so genuinely sweet and helpful. If you have a little money to blow, I really recommend Hot Mama. They have non-mom clothes for moms. I really loved it.

Happy Friday!

Coming Out

As much as I've struggled at work, there are some really amazing people here. Mostly, my immediate group of coworkers is insanely fabulous. I mean, the kind of wonderful that I don't ever dread going to work. (Being there? Now, that's another story.)

Mostly, the head of my organization (Vaguey McVague), is one of the kindest men I've ever met. I just adore him. Today, I told him about baby #2 and he was overjoyed. He's the father of three and his happiness for me (us) seemed genuine.

I'm sort of waiting for the backlash to begin. My nemesis became much more hostile to me after I announced my pregnancy (that makes it sound like it was over a PA or something, but you know what I mean). And then, she really became awful after I returned.

Right now, I'm trying to be happy. It's one of the first items of good news in mine and The Targo's family for about a year.

Hostile

The hardest thing about being me (which isn't really that hard) right now is work. I don't want to get fired because I wrote about work on the interweb, but man... can a girl vent?

I have a nemesis.




This person has strongly disliked me since the day we met. Normally, I'd be all "What the heck ever," but I haven't been able to achieve that level of zen in this case. There are several reasons, but let me give you a little background.

When I started and was introduced to this person, she asked everyone else in the room, as if I wasn't there, what made me qualified for my job. Because you know, I'm a rocket scientist and need Ivy League credentials, or something. I was like, okay... From that point on, nearly every interaction I had with this person was antagonistic. I would present at meetings, and she would ask me why I didn't do things like the person who previously held my job (and left a year before I started). I would just shrug and move on. If I ever presented a possible trend, or something inexact, she'd tell me that I didn't know what I was talking about.

The public humiliation, while great fun (sarcasm!), wasn't the worst. I had been at my job about 9 months, I finally received the training I was promised at my hiring (so that I could do the things the previous person had done). Times were peaceful, for a short while. Then, I found out I was pregnant. I started working with my organization to transition back after maternity leave by working from home. All of my superiors were completely supportive of this. Except the one who wasn't (she has never been, nor will she ever be, my boss). So, I prepared extensively for leave, went on leave, began working from home 12 weeks later, and transitioned back to the office shortly after that - as was agreed upon 4 months before I left. Every meeting I had where this person was in attendance, she made a comment about how I didn't really work "here."

When I was back for good, the antagonism began in earnest. I was told that she made two concerted attempts to get me fired because I didn't know sh*t. (Forgive me. I heard this from my direct supervisor.) Since that time, she's called me stupid to many people and to my face, well, she vacillates between mean, belittling, and pretending I'm not there.

None of this qualifies for an actually "hostile" work environment. It just fits into this paradigm. (Please see the link and read the quick summary.) But, this person, my nemesis, keeps getting promoted. Her meanness and unprofessionalism seem to be rewarded, whereas people like myself (and I am not alone) are left to wonder what it is that we actually did to deserve this. I still have no answers.

This basic history (which doesn't include all of the personal remarks she's made to me, because they require too much contextualization) is to ask you, when do you say when? I've really been struggling with this the past few months. The interactions ebb and flow, and honestly, the majority of them are the level of microinsults. But really, why?

So, I talked to my supervisor the other day (one of a million such talks) and said that all I really wanted was for her to stop calling me stupid, and to treat me like a human being. In essence, for her to be professional. It's not going to happen. What happens when I decide I can't take it anymore and I either blow the hell up, or I walk out the door? God help me. I hope neither of those happen, because she'll, in effect, win.

I admit it. I'm just ridiculously offended by people who don't treat others with kindness and respect. I know if this was someone else, someone other than me whose day-to-day life was a roller coaster dependent on how this one person treated her that day, I would stand up! I would fight for her. But for me? Not so much. I wonder if at some level I think "maybe she's right and I have no idea what I'm doing."

This was a long post of venting and introspection and I beg your indulgence of my "woe is me" in such a time as this. I have a job! I have a roof over my head! Be grateful! Yet, she wins a little bit every day because my joy (I love this gig) is being stolen. Even worse, I take this home. I have to stop that. While she might have some ability to decide my fate here, I give her the power to make me feel bad. Forget that! I have to turn over a new leaf, here and now. She's not going to win!

Holding

As of right now --- 1:15 on Friday --- I'm still employed. It's good. I'm praying for those who lost their jobs.