Nathan

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Showing posts with label Pondering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pondering. Show all posts

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Looking Up

I feel like not only have I been Debbie Downer on this blog, but I've been a little bit down in real life. This has been manifested in my lack of sleep, massive weight gain, and my disinclination to do anything with anyone aside from my family.



Last week, I went back to my small group at church and I was so grateful. I had been praying about it and felt like the group was something I had to drop. I didn't have time for it. I loved the exercise, and when I had time to keep up, I loved the study. But the commitment was so oppressive to me. I skipped it for two weeks and then I decided I HAD to go back. I felt all this temptation to not go, but I went and it was really special, amazing. Unfortunately, I didn't make it last night. I worked late and had a migraine... so I just sat on the couch and snuggled my men. I think that's pretty spiritual.



As I turned the corner on my sadness, which I was afraid was nearing depression, God opened another door for me. I was offered an adjunct teaching position. Really? Me? The fat girl who doesn't speak up in class? Wow. It's an amazing opportunity and I feel so blessed. Most importantly, if it goes well, they're going to offer me more classes.

I feel like the horizon is brightening, but I've got to look up to see it.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Ordinary Life

I love to write. Well, let me clarify that. I love to write some things. I do not love to write my dissertation (hahahahahahahahah!), and um, there's not much to say about that. I do not love to write my monthly reports for work, because it makes me feel like I do barely anything. I do not like to write the grocery list, because that commits me to a menu for the next week.

But I do love to write other things. I love to write out stories about my husband, who I find endlessly entertaining. I love to write about the milestones my son achieves, or if he's falling short, writing about how this stage is great anyway. I really love writing about my cats, because I'm that cat lady.

(I should also mention that I'm not a gifted (or even good) writer. I know this. I'm very anecdotal and my writing is too similar to my speaking. That's really not good.)

When I started blogging, I had all these things I wanted to do with my blog: I wanted to fill all of these niches. I wanted my titles to all have alliteration (how's that for lofty?). I wanted to establish and hold onto a readership and honestly believed I could do it, because you know, The Targo and Amy think I'm funny.

I think one of the biggest hurdles I've had in continuously blogging is that I'm just too normal. My life has so little drama (thank God) that my TV show wouldn't even get a pilot. My family is my big Achilles heel, and I try not to mention them here. When I do, I delete the posts shortly thereafter.

So, I've been blogging for about 2 1/2 years now, I've discovered that I don't really have a niche, my titles usually don't make sense, sometimes my grammar just sucks, I'm not as funny as I'd like to be, and I'm really too normal. That's okay. I've said before that I feel it's totally okay to have a blog, that's just a blog, that shares cute baby stories and pictures, and doesn't really have a point. Really, it is okay to just be an ordinary wife, mom, friend, sibling, worker, or blogger. Maybe other folks can identify with my ordinariness and feel a little less boring.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Faith Perspective

This op-ed piece appeared in today's USA Today. (Is that redundant?) I read it with a multitude of thoughts in my little brain: 1) You can believe what you want to believe, 2) I can believe what I want to believe, and 3) I hate how "news" sources have comments.

The gist of the article was that once an Atheist was persona non grata, but now he or she is a more accepted - and growing - group in American society.


A reviled minority
For years, non-believers have been considered undesirable, untrustworthy and essentially reviled. I mean, in a country where "In God We Trust" is printed on every dollar bill, would you expect anything less? A USA TODAY/Gallup Poll in 2007 found that more than half of Americans 53% — would not vote for an atheist. No category fared worse. A University of Minnesota study taken a year earlier found that Americans rank atheists as the most disliked minority group in the country.

... Now that we of no faith are more willing to come out and be counted, we can start to change the perceptions that others have of us. As we speak out and make it known that we are atheists (or non-believers or any of the other names we can call ourselves) who can also be good people who care about our families, our communities and our country, we can start to change those negative perceptions.


The author goes on to talk about reconciling with her family, who are believers of some religious faith. The rejection she must have felt!

So, I'm not here to condemn this author at all, but I was thinking on how my experiences have been very different. I have only alluded to it on this blog, but I'm a new Christian. I've only begun my walk in the past two years and I know that while I've learned a lot, I fail every day and I still have so much to learn. What's been interesting to me is that my status as a believer (one of the 80% cited in the article), has put me into a minority in my peer and family groups. Perhaps it's because I've been in academia for way too long, or because I live in a very diverse city. I don't know. I do know that I could count on one hand, in fact TWO fingers, any of my friends who claimed to be "religious" until very recently.

What I do know is that I've been very shy about sharing anything about my budding faith, because I don't want the ridicule. I don't want the people who previously liked me to say the things I've heard them say about other people of faith: intolerant, bigot, deluded, etc. I can't think of worse words to describe me.

I'm sure these fears and worries make me a lukewarm Christian - which is another way I know I've still got a mile to grow. On the flip side, I do think about anyone who has that sort of separation from friends and family - the kind that stems from strongly held beliefs. It's hard to feel that segregation, no matter where it came from.

Forgive the tardiness of this post.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Struggling

I have never really had morning issues, but the past few weeks have been so difficult. The Targo and I used to have a good system in the morning:
  • I nurse Nathan,
  • I shower,
  • The Targo changes Nathan and they have breakfast together,
  • I eat a quick breakfast and pack Nathan for the day,
  • The Targo leaves for work and Nathan and I follow 5-10 minutes later.

Lately, that system has not been working. Mostly because Mr. Super Cute Baby isn't sleeping well. So, I feel compelled to let him sleep until the last possible moment. Then I hurry and change him, nurse him, and he has breakfast at daycare. The Targo and I are working together to figure out how to make a schedule that works for Nathan and for us.

But it got me thinking... When Nathan gets a bath, The Targo and I usually do it together. We take turns watching him while one person cooks and the other does laundry. I can go to the doctor or dentist and The Targo can go get his hair cut or go clothes shopping, and neither of us has to worry about a sitter. We're lucky because we have someone else there, another set of hands at the very least. I feel so bad for moms (or dads) who are truly on their own. And I have no idea how they do it.

Our website should be up next week. It's set to private right now. Thanks for the interest!!! :)