I have no control of my three year old. I really don't. In so many ways, he's the best kid in the world, in other ways, he's not. He doesn't listen to me. He's very angry with me about this baby who decided to invade our house! Mostly, he's having a hard time with the million changes in his life over the past five months or so.
A few days ago, I took the boys to the pediatrician for Daniel's 4-month well check up (FOUR MONTHS!). Nathan was NUTS. He ran from the room twice, laughing maniacally all the way. I couldn't even communicate with the doctor, because if I stopped paying attention to him, he'd do something. It was so frustrating.
When we left the office, everyone was looking at me with pity.
Later that day, I took the boys to the park just a few blocks from us. Once we got there, Nathan decided he didn't want to be there. I forcibly removed him from the car. He played for a little while, and then decided to play in the water fountain, because he's a three year old boy. After he was crazy drenched, I decided it was time to go home. Nathan disagreed and was completely uncooperative. Daniel decided to melt down at that time too. So, I'm dragging a little boy and pushing an hysterical baby in the stroller. This woman getting into her car rocked Daniel in the stroller while I strapped Nathan into the car, a ridiculously long process. After I got everything put together, the woman looked at me with something more than pity. I think it was a little disgust.
Sometimes I think about what my dad keeps saying: I had no idea what I was in for by having (God forbid) two kids. Sometimes I think I ruined Nathan's life. But this baby. He's so wonderful. I know that Nathan loves him too. It's just hard right now. I've got to muddle through the judgment that I'm receiving. I've got to deal with my horrible impatient heart. I know that Nathan is a good boy, but it's just a rough time.
I'm that mom who has the little boy who acts like a little boy going through a tough time. I'm that mom whose infant cries a lot. I'm that mom who is a little impatient (a lot actually) and isn't always proud of what I say to my child. I'm that mom. The real one.
Showing posts with label Mama stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mama stuff. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Strategies, Part I
Okay, you parents of toddlers/preschoolers. I have a few questions for you. Basically, they're "how do you do it?" questions. If you've got any wisdom, I certainly would appreciate it!
- How many times a day to you clean up the toys, crayons, craft stuff, chaos? Most days, when Joe gets home, it looks like Tropical Storm Nathan swept through three or four times.
- Those of you who work from home... How do you put aside the time to prepare? I am taking this semester off, but will be teaching in the summer. I'm completely developing my class, so I need to get started ASAP. What do you do to carve out the time needed? Do you just wait until your husbands are home?
- Showering. I know this sounds so simple, but is it? I have this ridiculously thick hair, that is currently fairly long. If I shower at night, 1987 calls and asks for its hair back. Plus, I feel better if I shower in the morning. Unfortunately, if I showered before Nathan was up... well, I just can't predict when that will be. Do you guys trust your older children with your younger ones? I'd just bring the baby with me, but Nathan is definitely acting out to the point where I can't leave him alone for even a few moments.
- Leaving the house. Were any of you intimidated by taking both children places? We didn't go many places for the first six weeks, because Daniel was born in the heart of cold and flu season. But now, I know I have to get out of the house. And more importantly, Nathan needs out of the house. Did any of you have that anxiety? If so, how did you cope?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Slow Transition
I'm struggling. Man, am I struggling. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.
I only have two friends who are stay at home moms. I find them both pretty amazing. They seem to have it together. Their kids are happy and well-adjusted. They volunteer at school functions. Their houses are clean. Every time I talk to them or see them, they've showered that day. Are these wins or what?
Where was I going? Oh, right. When I had Nathan, I grieved that I'd be sending him to daycare as an infant. I know for some people this isn't a difficult choice. And for others, it's not a choice at all, but a necessity - as it was for us. I had secretly hoped, for a long time, that I'd be a stay at home mom to my kids. Joe and I, well, we're just not that solvent, and my student loans are way too big. And man, Chicago is expensive! So, I worked and Nathan was in daycare full-time. It was the way things were and we all got used to it.
When I got pregnant the second time, we knew that I would be staying at home. It was both where my heart was and the best financial decision for my family. My part-time instructor position at a local university has helped us make this possible. Every day I looked forward to it. The last few weeks I took Nathan to daycare, I excitedly talked to him about how he'd be home with mama and the baby.
Then the day arrived.
I have made comments on the Facebook and to both my mom and Joe's mom about my inability to sleep. The consensus is that I wanted children and now I just need to suck it up. I don't disagree, the lack of empathy is a bit shocking. I'm just trying to figure out how to cope. I just want to get through a day without screaming at my toddler. I think the only real solution is to sleep. So, when I go for my check-up next week, I'm going to ask about sleep aids. I'm that person who hates taking medication of any sort. At this point, I don't have a choice. Poor Nathan.
I wonder if I'm revealing too much. I feel like it's safe to admit this stuff because better days are around the corner. Daniel is five weeks old, so we can get out a little more. The weather will be breaking soon, so we can start walking and going more places. I will get to sleep someday. Nathan will forgive me for this transition time.
I only have two friends who are stay at home moms. I find them both pretty amazing. They seem to have it together. Their kids are happy and well-adjusted. They volunteer at school functions. Their houses are clean. Every time I talk to them or see them, they've showered that day. Are these wins or what?
Where was I going? Oh, right. When I had Nathan, I grieved that I'd be sending him to daycare as an infant. I know for some people this isn't a difficult choice. And for others, it's not a choice at all, but a necessity - as it was for us. I had secretly hoped, for a long time, that I'd be a stay at home mom to my kids. Joe and I, well, we're just not that solvent, and my student loans are way too big. And man, Chicago is expensive! So, I worked and Nathan was in daycare full-time. It was the way things were and we all got used to it.
When I got pregnant the second time, we knew that I would be staying at home. It was both where my heart was and the best financial decision for my family. My part-time instructor position at a local university has helped us make this possible. Every day I looked forward to it. The last few weeks I took Nathan to daycare, I excitedly talked to him about how he'd be home with mama and the baby.
Then the day arrived.
I had forgotten how difficult the period of hibernation was in January and February. We were firm about four weeks inside since we're in the heart of cold and flu season. Of course, the first outing we took with both boys, besides the doctor, resulted in Nathan bringing home a cold.
I hadn't truly calculated how much Nathan would have cabin fever. He's been in daycare since he was just a few months old. And while he didn't always want to go, he was used to going, He misses his friends.
I hadn't realized how much worse the sleep deprivation would be when you have a newborn added to a poorly sleeping toddler. People, I'm barely functioning and I really understand how sleep deprivation is a torture technique.
I have made comments on the Facebook and to both my mom and Joe's mom about my inability to sleep. The consensus is that I wanted children and now I just need to suck it up. I don't disagree, the lack of empathy is a bit shocking. I'm just trying to figure out how to cope. I just want to get through a day without screaming at my toddler. I think the only real solution is to sleep. So, when I go for my check-up next week, I'm going to ask about sleep aids. I'm that person who hates taking medication of any sort. At this point, I don't have a choice. Poor Nathan.
I wonder if I'm revealing too much. I feel like it's safe to admit this stuff because better days are around the corner. Daniel is five weeks old, so we can get out a little more. The weather will be breaking soon, so we can start walking and going more places. I will get to sleep someday. Nathan will forgive me for this transition time.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Heart Matters
My boys, with their ridiculouly close birthdays, went to the doctor last week. Daniel had his one month check-up, and Nathan had his 3 year check-up. The big one with the amazing blue eyes is 75th percentile across the board, weighing in at 34 pounds. I'm not sure where he puts it because all of his 3T clothes fall off of his body. Also, he eats nothing. One day last week, he had half a piece of turkey sausage and some whipped cream. That's it. All day. He's awesome.
The little one with all the crazy hair landed just below the 50th percentile for height, weight, and head circumference. He weighs 10 pounds. This is so shocking to me, because he and Nathan were just four ounces apart in their birth weights, and Nathan didn't get back up to his (8 lbs 1 oz) until he was six weeks old. Way to go, Danny Boy!
While the doctor was examining Daniel, I noticed that the usual ten seconds of listening to his heart was taking way longer than normal. I played with Nathan while my mind raced. After a while (three or four minutes) the doctor said that she detected a heart murmur. My stomach sank. I'd heard of them, but didn't really know what they were. And honestly, who wants to hear anything abnormal about your four week old, especially something with the heart?
The doctor calmly explained that this is a condition that can frequently appear in infants, and most often is nothing to worry about. But, we needed to schedule an echocardiogram at Children's Memorial just in case. We set up the ultrasound for Monday.
I called Joe just before we left the doctor's office and he gently reminded me that he had a heart murmur and it had never limited him in any way. I was still scared and twitchy.
This is where I should say that my heart goes out to families whose children struggle with illness. This was simply unexpected and I'm ignorant.
Monday rolled around and it seemed like the time was flying by. Joe and the day off and we had initially planned on taking the boys to the Children's Museum at Navy Pier, but we couldn't fit it in before our appointment. So, we puttered around most of the day, then dropped Nathan off with a friend before going to the hospital.
The test itself lasted an hour and Daniel was a champ. He nursed off and on throughout the test (I cannot tell you how many people have seen my boobs in the past month!), making him less screamy than normal. The echo tech didn't tell us anything one way or the other, which only made me more nervous. After we finished, I said repeatedly to Joe, "He's going to be okay, right?" He kept assuring me that he was.
Thankfully, before I drove myself completely crazy, our pediatrician called at 8:00 Monday night. She apologized (can you believe it?!) for calling so late, but wanted to let us know that everything was fine. The heart murmur should have no impact on Daniel's life in any way.
I'm so grateful. I do feel partly stupid for getting all worked up, but really ... I'm just thankful. I'm so so so glad that this tiny little gift is totally okay. I firmly believe that you don't really know what fear is until you become a parent. If we all thought about all the bad things that could happen to our kids, we'd be basketcases. I'm glad my crazy only lasted for a few days.
The little one with all the crazy hair landed just below the 50th percentile for height, weight, and head circumference. He weighs 10 pounds. This is so shocking to me, because he and Nathan were just four ounces apart in their birth weights, and Nathan didn't get back up to his (8 lbs 1 oz) until he was six weeks old. Way to go, Danny Boy!
While the doctor was examining Daniel, I noticed that the usual ten seconds of listening to his heart was taking way longer than normal. I played with Nathan while my mind raced. After a while (three or four minutes) the doctor said that she detected a heart murmur. My stomach sank. I'd heard of them, but didn't really know what they were. And honestly, who wants to hear anything abnormal about your four week old, especially something with the heart?
The doctor calmly explained that this is a condition that can frequently appear in infants, and most often is nothing to worry about. But, we needed to schedule an echocardiogram at Children's Memorial just in case. We set up the ultrasound for Monday.
I called Joe just before we left the doctor's office and he gently reminded me that he had a heart murmur and it had never limited him in any way. I was still scared and twitchy.
This is where I should say that my heart goes out to families whose children struggle with illness. This was simply unexpected and I'm ignorant.
Monday rolled around and it seemed like the time was flying by. Joe and the day off and we had initially planned on taking the boys to the Children's Museum at Navy Pier, but we couldn't fit it in before our appointment. So, we puttered around most of the day, then dropped Nathan off with a friend before going to the hospital.
The test itself lasted an hour and Daniel was a champ. He nursed off and on throughout the test (I cannot tell you how many people have seen my boobs in the past month!), making him less screamy than normal. The echo tech didn't tell us anything one way or the other, which only made me more nervous. After we finished, I said repeatedly to Joe, "He's going to be okay, right?" He kept assuring me that he was.
Thankfully, before I drove myself completely crazy, our pediatrician called at 8:00 Monday night. She apologized (can you believe it?!) for calling so late, but wanted to let us know that everything was fine. The heart murmur should have no impact on Daniel's life in any way.
I'm so grateful. I do feel partly stupid for getting all worked up, but really ... I'm just thankful. I'm so so so glad that this tiny little gift is totally okay. I firmly believe that you don't really know what fear is until you become a parent. If we all thought about all the bad things that could happen to our kids, we'd be basketcases. I'm glad my crazy only lasted for a few days.
Labels:
Daniel,
In Sickness and Health,
Mama stuff,
Nathan
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Briefly, About Work
So, I figured something out in my insomniac state... I really had started to define myself by my job. I'm only a week into my maternity leave and I feel like I'm forgetting to do something or letting people down. It's starting to frustrate me.
I know that my family has always been my priority, no matter how much I loved my job. Now? I have these two special little people to take care of, and I can't get work off my mind.
Let go, man... Let go.
I know that my family has always been my priority, no matter how much I loved my job. Now? I have these two special little people to take care of, and I can't get work off my mind.
Let go, man... Let go.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
On Parenting
Tonight has been one of those nights where I'm more than convinced that I am not a good parent, and I'm absolutely going to flop when I have two children.
For the last week or so, we've been able to put Nathan to bed without screaming. It takes quite a while (1-3 hours), but the quietness of it made it all worthwhile. Tonight, Lord help us, we weren't so lucky.
Our childcare situation suddenly fell through on Friday, so Nathan will be with me, The Targo, or Ti-Dah (grandpa) this week. Today, we were super busy in the morning and then Nathan managed to take a 2 hour nap. I was hoping this would make things easier tonight, since I knew exactly how long he napped. No no no. The scream fest was back! Freaking out, dry heaving, screaming in terror. Oh, yes! My house is fun! It's nights like this one that make me understand why my downstairs neighbors smoke up 3 times a night. (Actually, I don't understand and it infuriates me because it smells so bad ... but whatever.)
So, I gave up. An hour and a half of cajoling, bargaining, and finally, threatening, had worn me down to the point that I just had to walk away. I needed a time out. The Targo took over, and an hour later, Nathan seems to be sleeping.
I know he should be sleeping. I know some people say "let him cry it out." I know others say that's not the solution. But here's the truth: We haven't found anything that's really worked... and it's been over a month (i.e. we're now two to three days before mama loses her mind.) and we're still struggling. And man, I'm so freaking tired.
For the last week or so, we've been able to put Nathan to bed without screaming. It takes quite a while (1-3 hours), but the quietness of it made it all worthwhile. Tonight, Lord help us, we weren't so lucky.
Our childcare situation suddenly fell through on Friday, so Nathan will be with me, The Targo, or Ti-Dah (grandpa) this week. Today, we were super busy in the morning and then Nathan managed to take a 2 hour nap. I was hoping this would make things easier tonight, since I knew exactly how long he napped. No no no. The scream fest was back! Freaking out, dry heaving, screaming in terror. Oh, yes! My house is fun! It's nights like this one that make me understand why my downstairs neighbors smoke up 3 times a night. (Actually, I don't understand and it infuriates me because it smells so bad ... but whatever.)
So, I gave up. An hour and a half of cajoling, bargaining, and finally, threatening, had worn me down to the point that I just had to walk away. I needed a time out. The Targo took over, and an hour later, Nathan seems to be sleeping.
I know he should be sleeping. I know some people say "let him cry it out." I know others say that's not the solution. But here's the truth: We haven't found anything that's really worked... and it's been over a month (i.e. we're now two to three days before mama loses her mind.) and we're still struggling. And man, I'm so freaking tired.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Request for Toddler Evening Activities
Okay, this is a solicitation for advice.
Nathan and I usually get home from work between 5:45 and 6:30. I feel like we have just enough time to eat dinner, play for a little while, bathe, and then start the hell of bedtime. This time crunch and fatigue have resulted in Nathan and I watching TV almost every night for the past month. Before the bedtime freak-outs began, we rarely had the TV on before Nathan went to bed. Now, it's a survival mechanism.
I figure that between making dinner and bath, we have about an hour of downtime every evening. I would love your suggestions of how to engage my busy, active toddler during this time. Also, be aware that I'm beyond tired right now. BEYOND. A couple of things, we need activities that don't wind him up. Bedtime is heinous enough.
Really, I just want to stop watching "Caillou."
Nathan and I usually get home from work between 5:45 and 6:30. I feel like we have just enough time to eat dinner, play for a little while, bathe, and then start the hell of bedtime. This time crunch and fatigue have resulted in Nathan and I watching TV almost every night for the past month. Before the bedtime freak-outs began, we rarely had the TV on before Nathan went to bed. Now, it's a survival mechanism.
I figure that between making dinner and bath, we have about an hour of downtime every evening. I would love your suggestions of how to engage my busy, active toddler during this time. Also, be aware that I'm beyond tired right now. BEYOND. A couple of things, we need activities that don't wind him up. Bedtime is heinous enough.
Really, I just want to stop watching "Caillou."
Labels:
Mama stuff,
NaBloPoMo 2010,
Toddler life,
TV for kids
Friday, September 17, 2010
The Toddler and the Doppler
I had another check up on Tuesday. When I mentioned it to my boss, he told me to take the rest of the day off, because everyone else would be in meetings. Obviously, I jumped at that. The only catch is that I had to take Nathan with me to the doctor.
I have to admit that I was more than a little anxious about it. My kid is LOUD. I mean, his inside voice is louder than my yell. Also, he's not one of those sit-still-and-color types. He moves from the moment he wakes up until sleep pimp-slaps him at night. Dear God. What was I going to do?
So, I picked up from daycare, where we had a slight miscommunication and he didn't get lunch. Fortunately, I had a fruit juice and a cereal bar in the bag for him. He talked the whole way to the doctor (seriously, 10 miles and it took 45 minutes): "Do you see Jeremy the Plane up in the sky? Do you see it, mommy?" I was hoping that it would wear him out, just a little.
No such luck. Once we got into the doctor's office, he was crazed. Not only was he loud, he did not want to sit, and he played musical chairs in the waiting room. There was only one other person in the room and she laughed at him and smiled fairly tolerantly. The office manager, who has a young child, was not as tolerant.
About twenty minutes later, we go back to the rooms. When I tried to sit Nathan down on the chair in the examination room, he almost freaked out. For some reason, he was convinced he was getting a haircut. Yeah, I don't know either. When my doctor came in to take my blood pressure, another fit of panic swept him. He was calmed pretty quickly. Then came the Doppler. Nathan heard the thump-thump-thump and looked around. My doctor tried to explain to the two and a half year old that it was the baby in mama's belly. He was totally intrigued, but totally confused.
So, I got a clean bill of health, got cleaned up and we prepared to go. On the way out, Nathan told anyone who would listen that he didn't "meed" a haircut and that he didn't want a haircut. That even made the office manager laugh.
The experience was only about half as stressful as I thought it would be, but I still can't believe I'm going to have two of these lunatics in just a few months.
I have to admit that I was more than a little anxious about it. My kid is LOUD. I mean, his inside voice is louder than my yell. Also, he's not one of those sit-still-and-color types. He moves from the moment he wakes up until sleep pimp-slaps him at night. Dear God. What was I going to do?
So, I picked up from daycare, where we had a slight miscommunication and he didn't get lunch. Fortunately, I had a fruit juice and a cereal bar in the bag for him. He talked the whole way to the doctor (seriously, 10 miles and it took 45 minutes): "Do you see Jeremy the Plane up in the sky? Do you see it, mommy?" I was hoping that it would wear him out, just a little.
No such luck. Once we got into the doctor's office, he was crazed. Not only was he loud, he did not want to sit, and he played musical chairs in the waiting room. There was only one other person in the room and she laughed at him and smiled fairly tolerantly. The office manager, who has a young child, was not as tolerant.
About twenty minutes later, we go back to the rooms. When I tried to sit Nathan down on the chair in the examination room, he almost freaked out. For some reason, he was convinced he was getting a haircut. Yeah, I don't know either. When my doctor came in to take my blood pressure, another fit of panic swept him. He was calmed pretty quickly. Then came the Doppler. Nathan heard the thump-thump-thump and looked around. My doctor tried to explain to the two and a half year old that it was the baby in mama's belly. He was totally intrigued, but totally confused.
So, I got a clean bill of health, got cleaned up and we prepared to go. On the way out, Nathan told anyone who would listen that he didn't "meed" a haircut and that he didn't want a haircut. That even made the office manager laugh.
The experience was only about half as stressful as I thought it would be, but I still can't believe I'm going to have two of these lunatics in just a few months.
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Value of Money
We have our methods, roles that The Targo and I play in our marriage. For example, it's one of The Targo's jobs to get money from the ATM and give me a weekly allowance. It's done this way so I don't have to remember to enter the dollar amount into Quicken. And, I'm lazy. I'll go there.
So, last night, he was putting money into my wallet and Nathan saw him with the money. He said, "Dada, what is dat?"
The Targo said that it was money and began to attempt to explain money to a two-year-old. I'm pretty sure Nathan didn't hear any of it.
At the end of the complicated thesis, Nathan looked The Targo in the eye and said, "Can I eat it?"
So, last night, he was putting money into my wallet and Nathan saw him with the money. He said, "Dada, what is dat?"
The Targo said that it was money and began to attempt to explain money to a two-year-old. I'm pretty sure Nathan didn't hear any of it.
At the end of the complicated thesis, Nathan looked The Targo in the eye and said, "Can I eat it?"
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Proper
One of the things I love about having a toddler is how quickly his language is developing. I mean, this little person talks all the time, but I'm so impressed on how much he understands.
The Targo and I have never talked "baby talk" to him, except for saying mama and dada. He's come up with a lot of words on his own. Like I've said before, he calls his pacifier a "Bow" (like OW, not OH), he calls his grandpas Ti-Dah and Baca, and calls his diaper a bah-poo (we think this was a consonant issue, where he was mixing up d and b, and not able to pronounce the "er" sound).
Recently, I have become "mommy" instead of "mama," which makes me a bit sad. I'm even sadder to think about when he starts pronouncing everything correctly. Especially the following:
The Targo and I have never talked "baby talk" to him, except for saying mama and dada. He's come up with a lot of words on his own. Like I've said before, he calls his pacifier a "Bow" (like OW, not OH), he calls his grandpas Ti-Dah and Baca, and calls his diaper a bah-poo (we think this was a consonant issue, where he was mixing up d and b, and not able to pronounce the "er" sound).
Recently, I have become "mommy" instead of "mama," which makes me a bit sad. I'm even sadder to think about when he starts pronouncing everything correctly. Especially the following:
- Mee - Knee...
- Peeba - Pizza (he's starting to say pizza most of the time)
- And talking about himself in the third person when he gets mad. "Mama, Nathan hurt my mee!"
Why do they have to grow up so fast?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
BOOM!
It was somewhere in the 60s on Friday, and on Saturday, it was cold and snowy all day long. I had made plans to go have coffee with a sweet high school-aged girl two doors down. The Targo had a million errands to run, so I took Nathan with me. As we were walking down our front stairs - about 8 of them that go up one story in approximately 5 feet - I fell. While carrying Nathan.
I didn't feel like I hurt myself, but I wasn't sure. The little monkey was hysterical for 15-20 minutes. He wasn't hurt - I held on so tightly - but he was scared, very very scared.
As a result of holding on to him, I tensed all of my muscles, hurt my back and pulled a muscle in my stomach. The bruises are now coming out - all over my arms and back. I'm probably lucky that no one at work is asking me about it.
There's a lesson here - for me anyway. I know that no matter what, I will hold on tight to Nathan. I will protect him from falls, risking my own body. And all this love, this sacrifice, is nothing compared to the sacrifice that's been given to me. My bruises are pale compared to what He suffered.
I hope I'm not offending anyone. I'm new in my faith and these ah-ha moments really touch me.
I didn't feel like I hurt myself, but I wasn't sure. The little monkey was hysterical for 15-20 minutes. He wasn't hurt - I held on so tightly - but he was scared, very very scared.
As a result of holding on to him, I tensed all of my muscles, hurt my back and pulled a muscle in my stomach. The bruises are now coming out - all over my arms and back. I'm probably lucky that no one at work is asking me about it.
There's a lesson here - for me anyway. I know that no matter what, I will hold on tight to Nathan. I will protect him from falls, risking my own body. And all this love, this sacrifice, is nothing compared to the sacrifice that's been given to me. My bruises are pale compared to what He suffered.
I hope I'm not offending anyone. I'm new in my faith and these ah-ha moments really touch me.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Forward

I think my two favorite things about parenting a toddler are experiencing the wonder in everyday things and being forced to just slow down. I find that these little things, like snowy February days flowing into unseasonably warm March ones, fuel my love of life. Whether it's building this snowman or allowing him to push the stroller all the way home, once our experience is over, we have to stop and savor them. The Targo and I will talk for weeks about how much fun we had doing these things, any thing, with Nathan.
I'm grateful to be able to stop and live it, but also to have the photos to remember these things by. I'm so looking forward to this spring and watching my handsome little toddler grow and develop into a preschooler, and then a little boy. And the joy that I've felt, having The Targo by my side, has really lifted me up. I feel like all those little prayers I lift up to God, thanking him for my very boring, very ordinary life are well-heard and heeded.
Labels:
Faith,
Mama stuff,
Marriagetastic,
Married with Children,
Nathan
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
First Thought
Every morning, I wake Nathan up, pretty much the same way. I rub his back, speak softly to him, tell him "good morning." Some days, it takes just a few seconds for him to wake up. Other days, I have to leave the room for a few minutes, then come back and repeat the process.
Yesterday, I woke him up to get ready for work. "Nathan, wake up. Mama's here. It's time to get up. Good morning."
It was one of those days where he woke up pretty quickly. He sat up, looked at me all groggily and said, "Where da yellow butterfly go?"
Yeah. I've got no clue either.
Yesterday, I woke him up to get ready for work. "Nathan, wake up. Mama's here. It's time to get up. Good morning."
It was one of those days where he woke up pretty quickly. He sat up, looked at me all groggily and said, "Where da yellow butterfly go?"
Yeah. I've got no clue either.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Twenty-Five Months

We normally put him to bed around 7:30 every night. I don't know if this seems early, according to everyone around him it is, but he gets up between 6:30 and 6:45 every day. Also, does he really go to sleep at 7:30? Not usually. Most often, he settles down pretty quickly.
This past Sunday, we put him down at his usual time and he seemed okay. About five minutes later, instead of his usual fussing, we heard BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAMS! He hasn't been feeling well, so I rushed in there... and he was scared. Really and truly scared. When we calmed him, he told us that he was scared of the plush animal decorations on his wall. We took them down. Then he told us that he was scared of the nails that had held them up. We took those down too. By this time, he was exhausted and completely unreasonable - moreso than the normal unreasonableness of a two year old. We cajoled, we tried turning lights on (including a dim lamp), we read stories, we rocked, and nothing seemed to calm him. Finally, about 11:00, he was just so exhausted that he was willing to go to sleep with the lights on. ALL OF THEM. Imagine sleeping through an old-timey interrogation. That's about right.
The next few nights were slightly better, with Nathan being able to tell us what was so SCAR-RAY. It's a struggle, but I know it's something that all little kids go through.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Loving My Son

That best academy, a mother's knee.James Russell Lowell
Nathan has been hitting these crazy milestones lately. Now, I know every parent thinks their kid is the cutest, smartest, most amazing, etc... I do understand this. I think my kid is cute, but I've seen some cuter. I know my son is smart, but I don't believe he's going to be at Harvard at age 12. (In fact, the only way he's going to Harvard EVER is a full-ride scholarship.) And well, he is amazing. He's the most amazing child in my life, and I don't have to qualify that.
Back to the story. He's been parroting different phrases for a while now and he works hard to correctly pronounce the words. The letter L is still a stretch, but other words are quickly being accomplished. The most important thing he's been saying? "I love you, mama." It sounds more like "I ov you, mama" - no L.
Today, while watching Special Agent Oso, Nathan climbed up on the couch behind me, hugged me around my neck, and said "I ov you, mama" without prompting. My heart exploded. It was messy, but so fabulous.
Friday, January 08, 2010
Becoming "That" Parent
There are a lot of people in my life who I would not call productive members of society. I shouldn't really say they're in my life, they're just peripherally in my family. Most of the people I'm speaking of became parents at a VERY young age. VERY. I'm not opposed to having children "young", but many of them have been unmarried and have no idea who the baby's father is. Many more of these relatives are neglectful, and I'll go there, inept.
Unfortunately, these same people seem to have babies with no regard. "It's okay, someone else will care for this amazing gift. I don't need to do anything." Why would they think any differently? Sadly, they were raised that way - with no regard for their safety, education, etc.
Seeing these cousins makes me so grateful for my parents and how they raised me. I don't claim to be the best parent in the world. In fact, I would say that I make at least 10 parenting mistakes every day. But, in the past two years, I've come to understand that loving Nathan is the most important thing I can do. All of my other decisions, choices, moves, whatever, will flow from that.
Too, I believe that the best thing I ever did was picking the Targo to be the father of my children. I know I speak (write) ridiculously lovey-dovey, frilly-flowery, volumes about him. But he is really that great.
Unfortunately, these same people seem to have babies with no regard. "It's okay, someone else will care for this amazing gift. I don't need to do anything." Why would they think any differently? Sadly, they were raised that way - with no regard for their safety, education, etc.
Seeing these cousins makes me so grateful for my parents and how they raised me. I don't claim to be the best parent in the world. In fact, I would say that I make at least 10 parenting mistakes every day. But, in the past two years, I've come to understand that loving Nathan is the most important thing I can do. All of my other decisions, choices, moves, whatever, will flow from that.
Too, I believe that the best thing I ever did was picking the Targo to be the father of my children. I know I speak (write) ridiculously lovey-dovey, frilly-flowery, volumes about him. But he is really that great.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Regression
A good friend of mine once told me that there are three things most parents lie about: 1) How soon their children sleep through the night, 2) When their children are potty trained, and 3) At what age their children read.
Well, let me tell you the absolute truth: Nathan, my wonderful, ridiculously cute, fun, hilarious, son, did not go to bed alone and sleep through the night until he was 17-months old. No, not seven. SEVENTEEN. After Nathan became mobile, I couldn't really rock him to sleep. He just wouldn't let me. So then, we tried putting him in bed, soothing him when he cried, and finally (sometimes after 3 hours) I would just lie down with him until we both fell asleep.
We went on vacation this past summer, and putting Nathan to bed every night was an exhausting endeavor. He just couldn't relax to fall asleep. And even after he had been out for 2 hours or so, we couldn't move him to the portable crib. Then we got home ... and MAGIC happened. The night we arrived home, we began our routine of trying to lie him down by himself in the crib... and it worked. He fell asleep in just a few minutes. That was at the beginning of July, and the majority of nights, it's been that easy. It's the heaven that all of those people who claim their children have slept through the night since they were four minutes old must feel.
So then ... we've had a couple bumps in the road. But, mostly, awesome. Until last week. It all started on Christmas Eve when we stayed out way too late. We got home and put Nathan straight down (he'd been asleep in the car) at 11:00. He woke up at 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, and 6:00 for good. It was awful. Christmas night, he would not go to sleep and stayed up until at least 11:00. The next few nights were more of the same. Last night was it! I'd had it! You'd feel better if you just went to sleep! But, no. Nathan screamed for 2 hours and could not be comforted unless we picked him up. It was 10:00 and I was just about to go to bed anyway, so I brought him to bed with me. The Targo put him back to bed at midnight, but Nathan woke up again at 2:00.
Really? Maybe he's teething?
I'm totally afraid that we're back in this cycle ... just when I thought I could sleep through the night.
Well, let me tell you the absolute truth: Nathan, my wonderful, ridiculously cute, fun, hilarious, son, did not go to bed alone and sleep through the night until he was 17-months old. No, not seven. SEVENTEEN. After Nathan became mobile, I couldn't really rock him to sleep. He just wouldn't let me. So then, we tried putting him in bed, soothing him when he cried, and finally (sometimes after 3 hours) I would just lie down with him until we both fell asleep.
We went on vacation this past summer, and putting Nathan to bed every night was an exhausting endeavor. He just couldn't relax to fall asleep. And even after he had been out for 2 hours or so, we couldn't move him to the portable crib. Then we got home ... and MAGIC happened. The night we arrived home, we began our routine of trying to lie him down by himself in the crib... and it worked. He fell asleep in just a few minutes. That was at the beginning of July, and the majority of nights, it's been that easy. It's the heaven that all of those people who claim their children have slept through the night since they were four minutes old must feel.
So then ... we've had a couple bumps in the road. But, mostly, awesome. Until last week. It all started on Christmas Eve when we stayed out way too late. We got home and put Nathan straight down (he'd been asleep in the car) at 11:00. He woke up at 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, and 6:00 for good. It was awful. Christmas night, he would not go to sleep and stayed up until at least 11:00. The next few nights were more of the same. Last night was it! I'd had it! You'd feel better if you just went to sleep! But, no. Nathan screamed for 2 hours and could not be comforted unless we picked him up. It was 10:00 and I was just about to go to bed anyway, so I brought him to bed with me. The Targo put him back to bed at midnight, but Nathan woke up again at 2:00.
Really? Maybe he's teething?
I'm totally afraid that we're back in this cycle ... just when I thought I could sleep through the night.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Doing Good Things
Growing up, my family was not wealthy. Not at all. I always felt like we had plenty of money, but I now realize that my parents didn't have much money and saved very little. They also spent much more than they should have. But, when the new school year rolled around, I always had a couple of new outfits, new shoes (for my ridiculously LARGE feet), and school supplies.
While The Targo and I live pretty frugally, Nathan has every thing that he needs. But as I watch him grow, it grieves me to know there are so many kids out there who aren't as lucky as he is. Is there something I can do? Yes! Orphan Outreach in Chicago has a yearly mission. They provide brand new backpacks and school supplies for children in need. Their goal this year is to reach 5,000 children. I remember how the truly poor children were treated in school, and I grew up in a working class community. I can only imagine what it must be like to be a poor child living in a depressed neighborhood on the fringe of wealth. Actually, I can't.
So, my family and I are contributing to this charity this summer. There may be similar programs in your area. If not, please consider contributing.
While The Targo and I live pretty frugally, Nathan has every thing that he needs. But as I watch him grow, it grieves me to know there are so many kids out there who aren't as lucky as he is. Is there something I can do? Yes! Orphan Outreach in Chicago has a yearly mission. They provide brand new backpacks and school supplies for children in need. Their goal this year is to reach 5,000 children. I remember how the truly poor children were treated in school, and I grew up in a working class community. I can only imagine what it must be like to be a poor child living in a depressed neighborhood on the fringe of wealth. Actually, I can't.
So, my family and I are contributing to this charity this summer. There may be similar programs in your area. If not, please consider contributing.

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