Oh Yeah, The Cats

* OMIGAH with the typos... yikes. *

They're back ... and they're bad.

Magic still thinks the baby is for sitting on and that pacifiers are for stealing.

What? I'm just picking up the stragglers.

Mystic is simply bewildered that Nathan may, from time to time, lie on her changing table.

It is MY house, after all.

And the little guy --- well, he hasn't really noticed the cats yet. But, being that he's my son, when he does, I'm sure he'll make this face.

On My TV ...

... and on my left nerve.

Among Thieves

Magic rejoined our family last Sunday (Mystic is enjoying a week without him). We had to pick him up early because he had, um, an appointment. You see, Magic has gingivitis. His breath smells like nothing I have ever smelled before. It's beyond horrendous. The vet felt that if he didn't get his teeth cleaned, he'd lose them at a young age --- the crazy guy is only two.

So, while millions of Americans don't have access to health care, our ridiculously spoiled cat got his teeth cleaned. I know.

Since Sunday, Magic has been making his presence known in many ways: his usual late night howling, constantly being RIGHT.THERE., and attempting to squash the baby. I can't tell you how many times I've said "Mister! We don't sit on babies in this house." It's a little strange.

Another fun aspect of Magic's return is this:


While it may look as if he's gently kissing Nathan, or perhaps EATING HIM, that's not quite what's happening here.


He's simply stealing the baby's pacifier and taking it back to his lair, erm, thermal mat. He thinks because it's white on the faux snow leopard fur that I won't notice. No such luck, buddy. I saw in your mouth as you carried it away.

Crime Scene

This is what I found when I got home from work. I believe the aluminum foil looks slightly disturbed.

Don't you think? I didn't find any hair or fiber evidence ...

But, just minutes later, I discovered this:

So, I think I've accepted defeat: I love Magic to pieces, the cat is stubborn, and I need a nap. I imagine Becca is 100% right: a screaming baby will keep him out of the crib.

I guess we're on to other projects.

Another Attempt

We had heard about the aluminum foil trick before. I think The Targo and I had thought we'd bypass that and pull out the big guns with the balloons. But you saw how successful that was.

So, here we are, back to the aluminum foil. Let's see if Magic wants to tackle this bad boy.



I've got to tell you, another reason I was so hesitant to try this number is that I keep picturing him chewing on the foil and it makes me want to lie in a fetal position and cry. Do you think it's a human instinct to violently react to the idea of chewing on foil? Or is it just those of us who have fillings?

Belly Watch #12

Once upon a time, there was this girl, um, let's call her Arianne-May. After a long flight from Italy, her ankles suddenly disappeared. Every day she hoped and hoped that they would return; but to no avail. One day, she decided someone had taken her ankles! She put up fliers in her neighborhood to see if anyone would return them to their rightful owner. Alas, no. Eventually, Arianne-May decided her ankles were just a myth, a happy little story she heard as child, existing only in her imagination.

Oh, hi. Seriously ... I'm sure my ankles will reappear, but it's weird to have no definition between my calves and feet. I feel like a circus freak. (I can't think of what the politically correct term for "circus freak" might be. Besides, I'm not a fan of the circus. Just creepy, mans.)

So, 39 weeks and still going strong. I really thought - for NO REASON WHATSOEVER - that the baby would be here today. Meh, whatever. I'll just keep getting rounder by the day.


In other news, we're almost done setting up "the nursery." We've got the crib and changing table put together, however, we ordered crib sheets and they haven't come in yet. So, until they do, we've had to resort to several tactics to keep the cats out of the crib.

Our first tactic was to fill it with a bunch of stuff. Mostly, we had canvas totes in there. Magic was very excited about this and jumped from one to another.

Next, we tried lining the mattress with bubble wrap. Magic jumped on the railing, and then decided the bubble wrap was creepy scary and jumped off the railing. In the process, he's managed to scratch up the crib (two small scratches) with his back claws.

Now, we've got the bubble wrap on the mattress and we've filled the crib with balloons. Hmm, don't you all wonder how that worked? Let's see.

Exhibit A.: White Sox mobile, pretty crib, bubble wrap, and balloons.

Exhibit B: Close up on bubble wrap and balloons.

Exhibit C: Magic moving the balloons so he can chill on the bubble wrap.

Tonight, we took the bubble wrap out and once again filled the crib with stuff. Perhaps we should be smarter than the cats and just keep the door shut. That might be too easy and much less entertaining.

*The Targo and I aren't really mentally deficient. The reason the door isn't closed is because "the nursery" is also The Targo's office. Also, we thought one of these tactics would work. But seriously, Magic is one stubborn cat.*

Belly Watch #11

*Edit* I'm going to try to post every day, even if it's something super lame, until the baby is born. I was thinking about how frustrating it is when you're waiting around for a blogger friend to have a baby ... and suddenly she doesn't post for three days and you're thinking "Yay! Baby." But really, it's because she's been way too busy eating all of the ice cream in the house.

You know, I'm feeling pretty good, aside from my rib dysfunction thingie. But, I have to tell you, I'm about done. Thank you to the moms out there who told me that I'm not a wimp, because these last couple of weeks are really hard. I just feel like a wimp, seriously. I cannot tell you how many naps I've taken in the past week. I know many of you are thinking "Man, I wish I could take naps!" Well... they're awesome, it's true. But I wish I could sleep at night. Here's why I can't:

*cough*Belly*

*cough*Magic*

He knocked this box down - without breaking any of the glasses - just two hours after this photo was taken. Dork.

Belly Watch #10

Merry Christmas, Internets!

We celebrated with The Targo's family last night. His family is just great - and so generous. We received a lot of wonderful baby items!

Tonight, we're having dinner with my in-laws in the suburbs. And then, *sniff* we're preparing to go back to work tomorrow. A three-day week! Yay! That should be easy. Unfortunately, my job tends to pile up when I'm not there. So, it will suck. Meh.

In other news - O MAH LORD - I'm only about three and a half weeks from my due date. Jeez people, can you believe it? It's totally flown by and were I not festively plump, I wouldn't know I was pregnant most of the time. Oh and if the child was not doing calisthenics. (I'm pretty sure I don't know what that means. In my head, it's old-timey workouts with medicine balls and the like.)

But, in honor of my husband and the holiday, here's my 36 week picture. I told The Targo that we're not allowed to open it until sometime in January. You know, after we get a crib.


I mentioned Christmas cards in my previous post. Well, yeah. Hmm... really didn't get around to that this year. BUT --- I attached what would have been our Christmas card had we gotten them out.

How cute is that cat? I know many of you are not cat people, but this one, he thinks he's a dog. And, he's obviously very trainable, unless it involves staying off the table. He's not so hip to that one. (Blow up for the full effect!)


Have a Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays, gang.

May Induce Sugar-Shock from Cuteness

Magic has gotten into this habit of scaring the bejeebus out of us. It's better than his habit of digging through the trash, but still.

When I headed to the shower on Friday morning, the sight below greeted me.

Forgive the crappy quality brightness issues on these photos. It's hard to take pictures when you're staring directly into the light. So, um... yeah. Things would be much better with PhotoShop. Did you hear that, Santa?

I KNOW! I really am cute!

Tongue!

Because I Can't Stand Myself...

This picture makes me feel seriously less crabby. (It's POURING here.)

Bliss

“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ~ Winnie the Pooh

I feel compelled to add that I am diligent about cleaning the counter tops. Please don't be afraid of eating at my house.

Don't Poke the Belly! It Might Explode!

I'm a back sleeper. That's fine and good except when I'm stuffy. But that's The Targo's burden to bear - "for better or worse," and all that. New Cat - I love him, I really do - takes advantage of my weak position and sits on my lower abdomen and kneads me. I didn't mind so much before I started getting a tummy; now if feels like I'm being stabbed from the inside when his large, jackrabbit feet tread on me. Ouch.

Rumor has it there comes a point in pregnancy where you're not supposed to sleep on your back. As Amy would say "Or your baby will burst into flames!" I'm trying to train myself to sleep on my side. Man, is that hard! But I try. I've got a pillow between my knees and I hug another one. Of course, New Cat comes and chills on my achy hip. (Ouch again.) And it just doesn't work. In the morning, I wake up on my back, with one cat between my feet, one cat by my leg, and my left arm thrown over The Targo's face. (This acrobatic sleeping is why I purchased this item.)

Anybody have advice on how to stay on my side? I thought about putting a cat on either side of me, but then I might end up with squished Mystic. I'm not sure that's covered under "for better or worse."

Tuesday Random-O-Rama

Doppler is cool! Peanut's heartbeat is strong at 147 bpm. I'll get the first ultrasound at my next appointment - after Labor Day. I can't believe how excited I am to see him/her! The last picture we have is a sonogram from the emergency room at 8 weeks. You can see the little head and the little heart, but that's about it.

*****

New Cat might have to find a new home if he doesn't quit waking me up! Monday at 4:00 am and this morning at 1:30. He's lucky he's got a cute black nose.

*****

Street fairs are AWESOME. Except when they're right outside your front door. Seriously, there was a kick-ass street fair this weekend: killer food, rockin' local bands, cool chotchkes ... and stages they started building at 2:00 am. I am not even kidding. They towed a car from our street at 3:00 and set its alarm off... that was the end of sleep that night.

*****

(Are all of these random things about something waking me up? If so, that's not random; that's a pattern.)

*****

Amy, my BFF, has an 11 month old boy - Niclas. He started walking yesterday! This kid is so unbelievably cute that I want to put him on a cracker.

*****

Happy Tuesday!

A New Weirdest Thing

This is my favorite Mystic story. (Go ahead, have a read. It will make you giggle!) However, New Cat might have it beat.

I came home from work today and the apartment looked like a tornado ran through it. Sadly, that's nothing unusual about that... Most everything was normal: Mystic's hoard of hair bands was adding color to the cat food. New Cat's collection of fuzzy mice was headed out the door. But there was just something not quite right. Oh yeah. One of the cats, I'm not saying any names, was carrying around a hanger from the dry cleaner. Cardboard strip and all. Just because it seemed like a cool thing to do, I guess. That totally beats out DayQuil or a dime any day.

"I Has a Basket"

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

"OH NO! Basket has me!"

I think you're crazy too, Magic.

By the way, please forgive the shaky camera work. I was laughing a bit.

"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley
HT: Amalah for mentioning the fabulous www.icanhasacheezburger.com

For the Record...

I know all South Side cats aren't gangstas. But Magic, well, he's got a lot of scarring on his nose. And he just strikes me as a real tough guy. So, The Targo and I made up this whole story about him, living on the streets, running from the law and causing all sorts of trouble. In actuality, he's a big baby who loves nothing more than sitting on your lap and giving you kisses.

Centerfold

Mr. April: Magic
Age: 2
Weight: 11.5 lbs.
Sign: Virgo
Nickname: New Cat
I'm a rock star from the South Side of Chicago. YO!
My hobbies include belly rubs, toy mice, and chasing my tail in the laundry basket.
My hates! include low-fat cat food, the cat crate, and Mystic sitting in my chair.

When I'm feeling particularly saucy, I like to do this:


Yeah, that's right. I'm sittin' at the table. This is my chair. My moms better be settin' a place for me tonight. I mean, man - would it kill them to share their dinners? I don't think so, yo.

Now see this? This here is what I like to call entrapment. I mean, when you leave a bag of money on the ground, someone is going to take it. When you leave fire on a table, I'm gonna be jumpin' up there.



I'm all about being a pyro. Now where'd my moms leave my lighter?

Ahhh, hells no! I hate this thing!


The SQUIRT BOTTLE! I used to be scared of this bad boy, but not anymore. I figure in a Street Fight I so could take it down! Just watch me.



Squirt me! I dares ya!

New Arrival!

Mystic has a baby sister! While she's - sadly - another kitty cat, we're pretty excited. A friend of ours found her cruising the streets of the South Side. She's got some scratches on her nose and her ears, so we're pretty sure she's seen some action. Regardless, she's been sweet as can be so far.


Yes - she's black and white! I have a problem ... I do.

Missin' my homies on the South Siiiiide!


Mystic - WTF? Who are you and why are you wearing that ribbon? And get the F off my futon!

New Cat - Back off, Biatch! I've still got fingernails - and a glock.

I'll Have Some Poison with That

I'm admittedly obsessed with my cat (see About Me section). Mystic is a strange cat. I'm sure a lot of cat owners say that about their cats, but she's really odd. She's the most dog-like cat I've ever seen. She loves to play fetch, she comes when called, she is constantly in the room with people (never hiding ~ from anyone), and she responds to some commands. This is all true! Ask anyone! **shifty look**

One of Mystic's favorite activities is to bring us strange things to play fetch with. It started with paper and spread to anything that could be thrown. It's inspired the Targo and I to play a game called "What's the strangest thing you've taken out of Mystic's mouth?" I thought we'd hit the pinnacle with the plastic knife (where the hell did she get that?), but Oh NO! One day she brought me a dime to throw.

Since then, we've made efforts to kitty-proof our house. We're already those people not allowed to have paper! Anywhere! Within kitty reach! Because she eats it. She doesn't just shred it - no no no - the entire role of toilet paper disappears with just remnants on the floor. But I digress - our efforts have been outstanding. We've engaged in a lot of back-patting because she hasn't eaten toilet paper, paper towels, newspapers, bills, etc. in a couple of months. We're the best kitty parents ever!

And then I was sick with a cold last week. While lounging on my futon, feeling sorry for myself and guarding my tissue from the paper-vore cat, I played an hour of fetch with a hairband. At some point she got bored and brought me something new. I picked it up without looking and was about to throw it when I stopped. What in the world? NO! No no no no! Thank you for the blister pack of poison, but I will not play fetch with Dayquil! I draw the line right here!