Things That Are Preventing Me From Blogging

1. Me --- I am so lazy. I sit on a computer all day and find it nearly impossible to get on in the evening. Aside from the occasional sports-related update on Facebook.
2. My Cats --- Seriously. They're pushing me over the edge. It's been almost exactly 3 years since we got Magic, and I kid you not, he and Mystic fought EVERY DAY of those three years. And also, with our much larger place, they keep finding nooks and crannies to get stuck in. Last night, they each got stuck in this attic storage space. At separate points in the evening. Once they were rescued, they both tried to get back in.
3. My husband --- he's fabulous.
4. TV --- I've recently got hooked on Phineas and Ferb on the Disney Channel. It cracks me up... And yes, I'm over 30.
5. My child --- he's too fun. Those precious two hours after work are spent enjoying him.

That's really all I've got. How are you doin'?

OH! MY EYE!

Um. Hi there. I hate going to the doctor and I LOATHE taking medication. But, it seems that I'm falling apart. My mom told me there'd be days like this. And I guffawed, and then shook my fist at age. I mean, really, I don't feel old.

Last week, my eye was bugging me a lot. I woke up with it bright red, not icky, just irritated. I stayed in the shower with the scalding water pelting my face for a touch longer, and it looked fine by the time I left for work. The next few days, it wasn't irritated as in red/itchy/uncomfortable, but it was watering as if I was crying. It's still doing that.

I went to Harry Potter with a friend from church and said "No, I'm not crying." I went to church on Sunday and said "No, I'm not crying. Right this second." I had a meeting this morning with my boss's boss and said "I don't think I'm crying, but I really don't know any more."

So, I sucked it up and made an appointment to see my GP this afternoon. This doctor is quite holistic, so I'm afraid he's going to say something like "Drink some herbal tea and bang a gong four times. You should be fine." I just want some good drugs for my peeper!

I should mention that I'm 90% sure it's not pink eye. Maybe 95% sure.

Happy Monday.

INCIDENTALLY --- BlogHer ladies --- I'm so very sad about not going to BlogHer. Please let me know if you'll have a spare moment for coffee or something.

Updates

So, um... Yesterday was my birthday. Thirty-four. Yeah. I usually do a "why this year was awesome" post, but I just didn't have the energy. It was 94 yesterday. GAH! I swear, I had long sleeves on just two weeks ago. I'm just not a summer person. I really like the kind of weather where you can put on a warm sweater and jeans and be comfy. And skiing. I'd like to do that. But hey! I'll enjoy June! Possibly July! And, if you give me a cookie, maybe August. ;-)

Anyway, a couple things, The Targo and I found a new place. We're still renters and we're totally okay with that. We found a nice 2 BR/2 BA that was well-within our price range, and it's also in the same neighborhood - which we love. I'm just getting chills thinking of being able to shut our bedroom door. Oh ... and giving Nathan his own room. The craziness that a 2 bedroom home may bring!

At some point between signing the lease, eating dinner at this fabulous place, and this morning, I lost my wallet. I'm only slightly freaking out because no one's used my credit or debit card and I only had $6. But I'm a lot freaking out because I'm getting ready to travel, on a plane, where you need an ID. What's wrong with me? I blame it on this new purse I got. I just bought this cheap mom purse so I could take Nathan to the beach and not have my wallet in the diaper bag. Looking back, it doesn't make any sense to me either. Hmm. This stupid purse, though - it has NO compartments. It's just a big open space. Things get lost. And sometimes, things appear. I have so many pens in this purse! But where is my wallet? Please call if you see it.

How are you?

It's True.

This morning, I was stopped at a stop light. The car behind me was stopped too. But for some reason, the car got rear-ended. It's true! I know! I'm certain this time that I had nothing to do with it. While I felt a little culpability the previous two times (even though they weren't my fault!), this had nothing to do with me. I was simply there.

In Which I Re-Evaluate My Driving

*EDIT* I really should add that during #1, I didn't stop suddenly - at all. I slowed into a stop. #2 --- I stopped rather suddenly, but seriously, I didn't want to hit that guy. This was also on a street that has a stop sign nearly every block. I'm not sure why anyone would either follow that closely, or drive too fast to stop.

I admit it. I used to be Ms. Lead-Foot. I got three speeding tickets in a year when I lived down in Memphis. With my current job, it's probably pretty important that I don't get a ticket... and also, I think The Targo would KILL ME if our car insurance went up. So, I'm a reformed speeder. Like most people who are reformed, I'm a total jerk about current speeders. But that doesn't excuse what's happened to me in the past month.

Incident #1 --- about 3-4 weeks ago. Nathan and I were driving home from work. We were in Chicago, just about 4 blocks from home, when I had the audacity to stop at a red light. I should mention that I was in the left turn lane, a lane that has an arrow, so I didn't feel the obligation to run a red light. The people behind me, apparently, disagreed with me and my perfectly legal decision to stop. The car right behind me stopped just before it hit me. And the car behind him didn't stop. So, yeah... rear-ender right behind me. Was it my fault for stopping at a red light?

Incident #2 --- just this morning. Nathan and I were driving to work. Were only about 6 blocks from home when a pedestrian decided to cross the street at a crosswalk. I stopped, rather than hit him, which was the legal and moral decision. The car behind me stopped just before it hit me. The car behind him did not stop. Again, did I cause a traffic accident? I think so. But was it my fault? I don't know.

What say you, Interwebs, in all of your wisdom? Are you now afraid to drive behind me because I follow the traffic laws?

The Things I Do

Because it's not bad enough that all of my shirts are stretched out from a 13-month old yanking on them. Or that my eyes are red and snotty and my nose is peeling off from this cold I've been fighting for three weeks. You know, because none of that is really that embarrassing. No. I had to come to work with the size sticker still on my new pants. I rock like that. Thankfully my boss was kind enough to point it out.

*bad grammar is totally intentional*

Awkward Moments

The Targo and I hung out with his BFF and his fiancee this weekend. They're West Coasters and were in town for their shower. Pretty much it was an entire weekend of eating way too much and hanging out. Poor Nathan: His "schedule" was thrown way off.

Last night, we all had dinner together at the BFF's aunt and uncle's house. Because he's a far better person than I am, The Targo's BFF is still very close to his ex-girlfriend. And his fiancee doesn't seem to mind. Anyway, the Ex was at the shower and had dinner with us last night as well. Awkward situations seem to be the norm in my life, so naturally, this happened...

[Entire cast sitting on a couch, chatting about nothing.]

BFF's Ex: So, Targo - I ran into your ex-girlfriend a couple of weeks ago.

The Targo: Oh? That's nice.

Me [sitting quietly ... why is she bringing this up?]

Ex: Yeah --- blah blah blah long story blah blah blah --- and I told her that you were married and had a baby. It totally ruined her day!

Me [*crickets* nervous laughter]

The Targo [at me]: You're so mean!

Me [near hysterical laughter, because I'm like that.]

Ex: Yeah. You know how competitive she is. I guess she's mad that you did something before she did.

At this point, I was cracking up because 1) why in the world would the Ex thinks this is an appropriate conversation? And 2) My gosh, The Targo and I have been together for almost eight years. I obviously don't care how The Targo's ex feels about me or him, and I can't imagine why she felt it necessary to discuss this. *eye roll* But for The Targo's sake? I hate to this the BFF's Ex would go back to The Targo's ex and say "That Marianne is such a #(%@)! She just laughed hysterically. Oh, and she's FAT!"

*snort*

When Left Home Alone on a Saturday Night ...

The Targo went to a party for a friend. So, Nathan and I were left alone to our own devices. Not so good.

Forgive my lame voice and shaky camera work... but, the boy? He's very cute.

By the way, is anyone watching the Olympics?

FYI: I posted Nathan's 6 months post. If you could (really, if you feel like it), please leave a comment. I plan on printing them out for his baby book. Grazi!

Slow Motion

Whew! Life needs to slow down, just a bit. I've been ridiculously swamped this month. Between work, dog-sitting, daycare hunting, appointment-setting, visiting family, and just life in general --- wahhhhhh ... it's been hectic. I guess that's summer, though. And I'm sure it's going to get even more hectic as he grows.

All that aside, I finally attached pictures to Nathan's Five Month "letter..." I was so tired, I didn't have too much to say. But it really has been an eventful month. Eventful if you consider the goofy baby sleeping 6-8 hours a day eventful. He spends as much time as possible fighting sleep. It's a sport. We're practicing for the 2016 Olympics.

I think Nathan is officially crawling, even if it is backwards. He likes to hang out on his tummy and complain loudly. Then he'll see a toy, just out of reach, and go for it ... only to go backward. Poor thing. I keep cheering him on and he looks at me as if I should do the crawling for him, by God.

I've missed reading your blogs and I hope you're all well. My mom is visiting us this week and I'm hoping to catch up with you guys.

Help Wanted

So, I'm heading back to work ... sooner than I can bear to think about (mid-April). And, I need some help.

I have this tiny-itty-bitty-wittle purse that I purchased three or four years ago at an adorable boutique. (See below ... except, it's black, because I live in Chicago.)
This purse was barely functional for me as a carefree lady sans children. I mean, you can't fit a planner in there! And I? Do not get paid enough (nor do I have the need) for a Blackberry. Also, my keys would somehow migrate to a part of the purse where they could be heard, but not seen. Thus, like a crossroad trucker, I keep my keys in my pocket.

So, ladies --- mamas or not --- what sort of purse do you recommend for this yuppie mom-on-the go? I don't really have an eye for this sort of thing, but have found that I'm a little picky and I hate ugly. Grazi!

I'm really struggling with going back to work. Trust me, it's not my first choice.

101 (Useless) Things

This morning, I posted my 100th entry! Isn't it crazy? I'm the person who has been working on her dissertation for YEARS and yet, I can write 100 posts about nothing - well, sometimes about my cats. I'm not really sure that's better. Hmm.

To be honest, I definitely don't think I'm interesting enough for 100 things, but it's one of my favorite things to read on other blogs. Especially when people are funny. Love that.

And since this is my 101st post, I'm going to list 101 Things:

1. My name is Marianne. I cannot tell you how often people spell it wrong. Or worse, don't know how to pronounce it.
2. Even worse? My last name is very short and is a word that appears in the English language as a noun, verb, and onomatopoeia; yet people still don't understand it when I say it
3. The Targo's has a long Polish last name. But it's phonetic.
   
4. Um, I guess that's my last name now too. Neither the Social Security Office nor the DMV is aware of this fact.
5. By the way, I do have a middle name.
6. I'm the youngest of four kids. The only girl. And the only one between my parents.
7. But I'm not spoiled. I'm well-loved.
8. Everyone in my family has a million nicknames. This freaks The Targo out because sometimes he doesn't know who I'm talking about.
9. I had several nicknames as a kid and my dad still calls me "Mouse."
   
10. I became an aunt the first time when I was six years old. My mom became a grandma at 29. That's not as white trash as it sounds, because she's my oldest brother's step-mom.
11. I have always been a crazy cat lady.
    
12. My first cat (she was actually my youngest brother's cat) died my sophomore year of high school. She was 20. And gross.
13. I went to grad school and got my first ever dog. He was a black lab named Jake and I loved him more than my long-time boyfriend.
    
14. When I moved to Chicago, Jake moved in with my parents and their pool. He was most happy.
15. He died in October 2005 and I cried for two days.
16. I only have one friend from high school that I still talk to. And sadly, we don't talk that much.
    
17. My closest friends are the girls I met in college.
18. And Sloth. I was the best man in his wedding.
19. And Amy. She's my soul-mate. *Shhhhhhhh... Don't tell the Targo! Or Amy's husband.*
20. I always wanted "mall-bangs" in high school, but my hair was too thick and too straight for it to work. And? I hate hair products.
21. I'm a diehard St. Louis Cardinals fan. It's in my genes. I don't know what the Targo (a diehard White Sox fan) and I are going to do if we have children. It's almost like having conflicting religions. At least he's not a Cubs fan.
22. I'm totally a Tomboy. I love playing sports and know a lot of sports trivia.
23. But I'm too chunky to be athletic.
24. I'm not afraid of spiders.
25. Or snakes. In fact, one of my childhood cat used to bring snakes into the house. It would freak my mom out. I'd pick up the snake and throw it into the neighbor's yard.
26. But, I'm totally gagged-out by flies. *ICKALOT*
27. I have really eclectic taste in music. I thank my mom for that. Aside from her, her entire family is musically gifted. She made up for it by having an awesome vinyl collection.
    
28. I used to play the saxophone. I was not very good, but I really enjoyed it. Except taking a tenor sax on the bus. So not fun.
    
29. I was in marching band in high school and college. In high school, I twirled the rifle. In college I was a flag-twirler, which wasn't as cool.
    
30. I broke my own nose once when I caught my rifle with one hand but missed it with the other. I have a scar and I consider it a battle wound.
31. I've broken four fingers (but not my thumb) on my right hand. Again, battle wounds.
32. My dad broke my nose once. He ran over a stick with the lawnmower and it flew thirty feet and smacked me in the nose.
33. My nose doesn't work so well for breathing.
    
34. I've always had weight issues (like most American girls). Two of my brothers used to say "Oh! One more jelly donut and they'll roll you to high school." They're mean. And all three are very thin.
    
35. The thinnest I've ever been was my freshman year of college when all of the dorm food made me sick. I was a size six. And for the first time in my life, I had cheekbones.
36. It didn't last long.
37. I have size 9 1/2 feet. And I'm 5'3". Now how does that make sense?
38. Once when I was shoe shopping, the sales guy at Lady Foot Locker recommended I wear the box. Jerk.
    
39. The Targo has huge feet too. But he's about 6' tall.
40. Speaking of The Targo: I really like him.
41. We met in 1999 and became instant friends. He was really shy, but so cute. I was happy-go-lucky, which made up for my lack of cuteness.
    
42. Then something happened: He broke up with his girlfriend.
43. We started dating the following week.
44. It was a long haul, but I finally got him to marry me.
45. I love The Simpsons.
46. And South Park.
47. And Law & Order. Especially SVU.
48. And HGTV.
    
49. And the Ghost Whisperer.
50. I love TV.
51. And TiVo changed my life. Dear Lord!
52. The Targo makes fun of my TiVo choices, but once had two shows about the giant squid. So there.
    
53. I read voraciously.
54. But I'm embarrassed to elaborate on that.
55. Because my taste in books is even worse than my taste in TV shows.
    
56. I think I'm hooked on blogs.
57. Especially Mommy Blogs.
58. Because I'm obviously baby crazy.
59. Or perhaps just crazy.
    
60. I've recently become a homebody. It drives The Targo crazy because we live in a tiny, mole-hole apartment.
61. We're moving into a larger apartment this summer. Thank God.
62. My parents still live in the same house we moved into when I was 2 1/2 years old.
    
63. Since I graduated from high school, I've lived in three different towns.
64. I've moved a bajillion times. And I still have stuff in boxes.
    
65. I love living in Chicago, but I'm sort of ready to move again.
66. I want to live near the mountains. And get a couple mountain dogs.
67. I have fantasies of buying acres of land and building three houses on them: one for us, one for my in-laws, and one for my parents.
68. I think that would officially make it a compound.
69. When I was in grade school, I wrote short stories about ghosts and stuff like that.
70. When I was in high school, I wrote short romances.
71. I never much succeeded in English. And I'm sure you can see why: I write like I speak. So. NOT. Good.
72. But, I'm a miracle term paper writer. Like, 40 well-written pages overnight.
73. I firmly believe my procrastination is a character flaw. Yet I can't seem to shake it.
74. I've worked in several bars and restaurants.
75. I am now beleaguered with server anxiety and guilt. And never leave a bad tip. Even when the service is atrocious.
76. I'm addicted to The Sims 2. I'm trying to quit.
    
77. I have a potty mouth and hate it. I'm totally trying to quit that too.
78. My biggest pet-peeve is when people say "addicting."
79. Isn't that pathetic?
80. The first physical thing I tend to notice about people is eyebrows. Mine are straight across, so perhaps that's why. My other BFF, Chris, has perfect eyebrows. She could be a Vulcan.
81. I really overuse the words so, like, and yeah.
82. My mom's family motto is "If we didn't make fun of you, you wouldn't think we loved you."
83. They all suck.
84. Okay, not all of them, but many.
85. I had a friend in college who said "Here's a 'jeez whiz' fact for you..." I thought she said "Cheez Whiz fact." Now I say that all the time. In mixed company. People think I'm crazy.
86. The Wiz is playing in Chicagoland this summer.
87. If you're ever in Chicago, it's got an awesome live theater scene. You really can't go wrong.
    
88. I love musical theater.
89. I think Jesus Christ, Superstar is unparalleled in its awfulness.
    
90. But I've seen and loved Les Miserables, RENT, The Lion King, Miss Saigon and The Producers.
91. I made the mistake of taking The Targo to see Miss Saigon. He hated it because it was "so unrealistic."
92. He also rooted for Benny in RENT.
93. He's got a good heart though.
94. I liked college, but not enough to do it again. The only thing I'd do over is go to a more demanding (undergrad) school and work harder. Oh, and pick a different major. Okay, I'd totally do it all over.
    
95. I'm totally a "grass is greener" person.
96. That bothers me more than the word "addicting."
97. Why does blogger think "addicting" is a word, but doesn't recognize "blog?"
98. I reference wikipedia a lot. But firmly believe it's not reliable.
99. It's just easier than looking elsewhere.
100. I'm apparently lazy too.
101. This was really a lot harder than I thought it would be.

All About the Sexy

To go along with my penchant for scratching myself, my girl cat decided to help me out. Thanks for the four-inch scratch on my breast, Mystic. It's so hot.

Mittens for Kittens

Do you remember that story from childhood? I seemed to have blocked out most of the 80s – some trauma or something? But, I do remember “Meow, meow. And we shall have no pie.”

Um, yeah. Anyhoo… I have a problem. Me? Never! For really, I do. I should have mittens on, all the time, all year round. Why, you ask. Well, GOOD GOD I can’t seem to stop scratching my face. This wouldn’t be so damned annoying if a) I had fingernails, and b) I wasn't experiencing thirty-something acne. Lord.

Apparently, I have some sort of ugly ick between my eyes. So? Yeah, I scratched it off in my sleep. It’s not like a small spot between my eyes. It’s more like a gaping hole, again between my eyes. Damn it all. I am lookin’ so freaking hott (that’s a hott with two Ts). I’m glad we didn’t go out last night because I would have looked like I was suffering from leprosy.

I wish I could say this was the first (or the last – HAH!) time I’ve done this. Yeah, no. It happens quite frequently. Once, whatever the issue was on my neck, and the neck wound looked like I had done battle with a guillotine. (I guess I should be happy that it looked like I won..)

So, do any of you have really annoying ticks like this? Or, should I seek help? While I’m at it, perhaps I should do something about my penchant for parentheses.

Hellooooooooooo, Nurse

It's so weird. I think most girls, while teenagers, think that the older you get, the smoother you'll get. I mean, really, can it be worse than breaking a chair during band class in 7th grade? Really, can it?

Well, apparently for me, it can. I noted recently my inability to shut the bathroom door and my propensity for wearing pants with broken zippers. Well, today, I went to a meeting with a pair of unzipped pants. I must not have zipped them at 6:00 this morning, while I was running ass-late. Wow, I'm so cool.

All that aside, I had one experience that I'm pretty sure I'll never forget - or live down. At my previous job, we held new employee orientation every two weeks. I had a brief song-and-dance, during which I talked completely out of my posterior. On this particular day, there were a good 20-25 people, staring at me with their fish-eyes, because yes, it was a long day, and no, by all that is holy, we cannot pay attention to you after our high carb lunch.

While talking with my hands and begging them for any - just a little bit, please!?! - interaction, one of the newbies came up to me and whispered in my ear - "Your pants are unzipped."

Sweet Mary, Mother of God, yes they were! Fortunately, I had a folder I could hold in front of my pants and could continue delivering the existential message of what quality should mean to them!

After what felt like eons, but was in actuality only fifteen minutes, I fled. I zipped my pants and walked back to my office. When I got there, I related the story to much -almost sympathetic- laughter. BUT there's more. You may be thinking, "What else could there be, you dumb ass?" The worst part about my sad fifteen minutes of fame was that I was wearing black pants with BRIGHT BLUE Hello Kitty (tm) underwear.

Nothing like looking professional. Smooth is something I only dream about acquiring.

Eye-Rolling Embarrassment

I don't know why I care about typos. We all commit that particular sin from time to time. I guess I feel like my propensity for typos is more a reflection of my intelligence than a byproduct of being rushed.

But seriously - I sent an email yesterday in which I typed "Santa ClausE" twice. That's just too stupid.

Lacking the social graces

I'm all about the cool. No, really.

Unless you take into consideration I was just wandering around with a broken zipper. Black pants and white underwear. BAD - Very very bad! The community member I was speaking to either didn't care or found my information so illuminating that my bawdiness paled (pun intended), by comparison.

Then there was the matter of not shutting - not just failing to lock, but not completely shutting - the bathroom door a few minutes ago. Ok, I'm one of only three or four women who use that bathroom per day, but STILL. What the hell is wrong with me?

This vacation may be more timely than I originally thought.